Whole Lotta Love
by TheAngelInDeansButt
Summary: Dean has a crush on his best friend and as he's going through a Gay Panic phase, his best friend is fighting for his life in the hospital because of him. Please read I suck at summaries
1. Chapter 1

After being friends with the guy since for fucking ever, Dean never would have thought that he would get a crush on his best friend. Or that he would ever realise that he had a crush on him. Nor did he ever think he would have a gay panic attack in his early twenties. But well, apparently life had other ideas for him and all of that did happen and when it did, he didn't have his best friend to fall back on. Because his best friend was in the hospital because of him, fighting for his life.

A few months ago...

"Deannn! WAKE UP DEAN! WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!"

Dean mumbled something on the lines of "first day of holidays, Cas" which Cas didn't hear through the closed door. Even if he had heard it, what Dean said was muffled by the pillow and he wouldn't have been able to understand what Dean said.

Castiel pounded on Dean's door, creating a ruckus that Dean's hungover brain could not tolerate this early in the morning. With a groan and a throbbing head, Dean turned towards his clock and saw that it was 10.30 am. Right as Dean ay back down, Cas crashed open his door and climbed on the bed, shouting even louder with a shit eating grin plastered on his face. Bastard. He knew Dean was hungover and still he thought it was a good idea to be loud. That meant only one thing. War.

Ignoring the various protests made by Dean's body, Dean sat up and tackled Cas to the bed and climbed on top of him. After being inseparable, attached by the hip, and a various other phrases called by people over the years, since they were still in their diapers, Dean knew exactly what weaknesses Cas had. Being ticklish was one of them, right at the top.

Dean began to tickle Cas' sides, his feet, his calf and any other ticklish spots he could reach while sitting on top of his friend.

They goofed around for a bit until Cas surrendered, and then Dean got up to get himself a glass of water and some Ibuprofen or something before he puked out his guts. Tickle fights while being hungover was a shitty idea.

After he was done puking for the time being, Dean went into the kitchen where Cas was preparing him Bacon and Eggs with a large glass of Orange Juice. The trademark Hangover Cure. After having gulped down half the juice and having eaten some of his eggs, Dean realised that anyone who knew Cas even for a week knew that Cas couldn't cook anything to save his life. As the realisation struck Dean, he stopped eating and went into the kitchen to see what was wrong.

Shit. Sam. Sam was coming that day and Dean had completely forgotten about that. Dean had promised to pick him up from the airport and yet here Sam was, cooking in the kitchen, trying to keep Cas away from the stove so as to avoid burning the house down. Sam had just said something that cracked Cas up, his eyes crinkling as he threw his head back and laughed a rare laugh that Dean loved to see on his best friend. Dean smiled as he clapped his much taller but smaller brother on the back.

"Hey Sammy, have a nice flight?"

Sam looked at him with an amused smile and replied, "Yes, Dean. You have a nice nap?" clearly referring to the part where Dean was nursing a hangover instead of picking his brother up from the airport.

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

Dean laughed along with his brother and gave him a man hug, complete with the pat on his back, as he asked, "So how did you know I won't come to get you?"

"Your husband here,-" he pointed towards Cas, as Dean gave him a dirty look, "- told me you drank too much last night so I figured I'd have to come myself."

"He's not my husband, Sammy. Cut it." Dean told him, seeing clearly that Cas always got uncomfortable when people teased them like that.

"Sure, Dean." Sam replied with a smile that was too innocent to mean anything good.

"So, moving on," Cas said, dragging on the 'so', "How's school Sam? Any girl we should know of? Or guy who's intentions we need to ask?"

Sam spluttered on air at the unexpected turn of conversation and shook his head, "No. No one you guys need to torture, yet."

Cas and Dean looked at each other and exchanged a small smile. It was so easy to get Sam to choke on air.

The rest of the day was spent by the three of them teasing each other and having a laugh at the expense of someone, just like it was before Dean and Cas left for college. Dean didn't realise how much he had missed hanging out with his brother and his best friend until just then.

Dean was making them some dinner and teasing Cas about having the talent to burn a pot of boiling water when someone rang the doorbell. Confused, Dean looked at Cas, whose brow was furrowed in confusion as he squinted his eyes and tried to figure out who it could be. Both Dean and Cas came to the realisation at the same moment just before Sam opened the door.

"Gabriel." They said together.

Gabriel was Cas' twin brother. A total pain in Dean's ass. Gabe was nicknamed The Trickster for a good reason. He loved playing pranks on people, most of all on Dean. And Dean had forgotten that he was also spending the holidays with them. Dean did not like Gabe, thank you very much, and would much rather spend time with only his brother than with both of their brothers. Whenever Sam and Gabe came together, they made it a point to play pranks on Dean and Cas all day long (last time Dean was removing glitter from parts he didn't know he had until a week after they left. It was not at all funny), and tease them of being married, which was very much untrue.

Before they could do anything about it (not there was much they could do anyway), Sam had opened the door and let Gabe in.

"Well, Hello there. Who do we have here, Sammoose? Isn't he someone I'd climb like a tree." Gabe said to Sam with a lewd wink. Sam turned fifty different shades of pink at the flirtations, making Dean and Cas laugh out loud.

Dean turned to look towards Cas who was already looking at him with an amused look. This might just turn out to be a fun visit.


	2. Chapter 2

Sleeping arrangements were the easiest to figure out. Sam and Dean didn't want to share a room because they'd grown up in the same room and were sick of sharing a room.

"I won't get any space on the bed if I share it with the moose with his long ass limbs." Dean complained.

Gabe had a similar issue with sharing a bed with Cas. "He snores at night and I can't sleep like that."

In the end it was decided that Dean and Cas would share one room and Gabe and Sam will share the other for the two weeks that the brothers were visiting. Sam and Gabe teased Dean and Cas relentlessly over having to sleep in the same bed.

"Better invest in some noise cancelling head phones, Dean. Dear Cassie here snores louder than a tractor. A life time of sleeping with a tractor will be difficult without those." Gabe had suggested.

To this suggestion, Sam decided to put his moose antlers where they didn't belong. "Yeah, Dean. I cam contribute to buying you those. You're my only brother after all. I can't let anything happen to you because your boyfriend snores now, can I?" he said with a shit eating grin that could compete with the one Gabe had.

"Yeah laugh it off, Samantha. We'll see who will be laughing when you wake with your hair chopped off." Dean replied with a too innocent smile, and threw a wink towards Cas. "And Cas here will make sure I don't 'accidentally' cut your hair too evenly. Can't have that happening mow, can I?"

That shut Sam up for a whole until they went to sleep.

That night Dean slept like a log, better than he had in a long time. Thank God for visiting brothers who wore him out, right?

The first thing that Dean was aware was of was that there was something on him. Dean immediately stiffened his posture until he remembered he had been sharing the bed with his best friend. His best friend who apparently was a cuddly sleeper and had migrated not only to Dean's side of the bed, but also managed to trap Dean under his body. Trapped under Cas' body, it was difficult to move him away. Dean struggled for a few minutes until he felt Cas' morning wood poke him in the side. Panicking, Dean pushed away Cas without caring much about if he woke Cas up because it was fucking weird having his best friend's hard on sticking up his side. On a totally unrelated note, Cas did have a huge dick though.

'Snap out of it, Dean.' He thought to himself.

The next few days were a whirlwind of activities. Both Sam and Gabe were visiting them for the first time since they started college and wanted to go to every place near their housing complex. They wanted to go to every coffee shop, comparing their coffees and croissants. Sam wanted to go to every single library in the city and around, looking at each book as if it was made of gold, or something even more precious that Dean didn't know of. Gabe wanted to visit all the bakeries to taste their cakes and pastries and pies, only to say that none of them were as good as the ones he baked. Even Dean had to agree to that, because Gabe made some killer pies.

The day after Sam and Gabe arrived, they all decided to go watch some cheesy horror movie with a sucky plot that they would all laugh on, followed by a trip to the most famous bakery around to have some pies.

The movie turned out to be more hilarious than it was scary. The hall was pretty empty and Gabe kept them entertained by his constant commentary about the movie. Sam tried to scare them by jumping at random moments throughout the movie, which did end up scaring Cas most of the time, making him a constant source of amusement between the friends. Ever so often, Sam or Gabe would point out the obvious intimacy of the situation when Cas held on to Dean's arm when he got scared, causing Cas to blush uncomfortably and move away. Dean always felt the loss of his friend's body near him but didn't say anything, knowing that it would only make the teasing worse. He did however put his hand on Cas' and squeezed, silently telling him it was alright to hold on to him if he got scared.

After the not so scary horror movie, the next stop was a bakery slash coffee shop that Gabe wanted to go to. Thankfully when they got to the bakery, it wasn't too crowded and they were able to get a table big enough for all four pf them to sit comfortably.

When they went to the counter, the barista seemed amused to see their group's antics. Gabe flirted shamelessly with anything and anyone that caught his attention, most of all he flirted with Sam whose face turned all shades of red.

The barista smiled at him as she took their order but didn't take her eyes off Cas. It never failed to get on Dean's nerves when someone flirted with Cas for two reasons. First was that Cas didn't know how to flirt back. His 'social skills' were 'rusty' as he said, and got flustered whenever someone flirted with him. The second was that he knew his friend was good looking but he was as gay as they come, jeez, give the guy a break. Logically, he knew that there was no way that the barista could know that Cas was gay, but it still got on his nerves.

Ignoring the barista's flirting, Cas and Dean gave their order while Gabe and Sam stood by them being totally useless like they always were.

When their coffees came along with Dean's pie, Dean didn't even wait to get to the table before he began to dig into his pie. DAMN it was some good pie. How come he never came here before? He needed to come to this place more often. The pie reminded him of the pie that his mother used to make him before she died in a house fire.

Dean didn't realize he had closed his eyes and moaned VERY loudly when he ate the pie, until Cas cleared his throat beside him.

"Should we leave you two alone, Dean?"

"Get a room, Dean-o"

"Dean, I didn't know you were sexually attracted to food too."

Sam, Gabe and Cas began teasing him about it.

"Cas of course you didn't know I was into food too. You'd know that if you had sex with me." Dean said with a wink. FUCK where did that come from what the fuck?

Throughout the day, the three of them teased Dean about his very obvious sexual attraction to food and Dean was almost regretting having eaten the pie. ALMOST.

By the time the four went to bed, Dean was actually wondering if he was sexually attracted to food. Damn his stupid brother. It was all his fault. Of course he wasn't into food what the fuck even? And although Dean loved his brother more than anything, he couldn't wait for him to go back, because Cas would never have teased him like that unless he was with Sam and Gabe.


	3. Chapter 3

Around a week after Sam and Gabe had arrived, Dean got a call from Charlie. Charlie was in one of Dean's classes and one of the nerdiest people Dean knew. She was into all sorts of nerdy stuff like LARP'ing and fanfiction and whatnot, that Dean would never get the hang of. Dean went to a LARP event with her once and ended up being a handmaiden to Charlie, who by the way, was the queen. Dean still doesn't know how that happened but she never let him live that down, ever.

Dean answered the call and was greeted by a high pitched screech, that might have left him deaf for sure, if it went on for longer. Just as Dean was about to call her out on it, she stopped to breathe and said, "Guess what!" or maybe saying that she said it was an understatement. She was practically screaming in his ear.

Dean chuckled as he replied, "Hey, Charlie. Nice talking to you too. I'm doing great how about you? Yes, I'm enjoying my brother's visit. Yes, Cas' brother is here too. So what's up with you, my queen?"

"Oh Holy Shit I totally forgot your brothers were over! Awesome. I'm coming over to your place. We need to talk. And I want to meet your brothers. Seeya in a bit."

Charlie hung up before Dean could crack a joke about how last time a girl said 'We need to talk' to him, it ended up with a pregnancy scare or something equally lame.

By the time Dean had warned Cas, Charlie had already reached their place, having called Dean from just outside. Charlie had an extra key of her own so she just entered without knocking, scaring the living shit out of Gabe who wasn't expecting her to pop up behind him, making Gabe yelp like a teenage girl.

"Geez woman, you scares me!" he exclaimed before he started to hit shamelessly on her too. Apparently Gabe had missed the memo that Charlie was strictly into girls, so Dean and Cas had an amazing time watching Gabe get turned down again and again without any idea that he was barking up the wrong tree.

Just then Sam came out of his room, wanting to see what all the noise was about. Immediately he was attacked by an over excited Charlie who climbed up his torso and latched onto his neck.

"The famous Sammy Winchester! God it's so good to see you! Dean wasn't exaggerating about your huge size was he? You're actually a moose." Charlie laughed at Sam who was confused as to what had just happened.

Taking pity on the boy, Cas introduced Charlie to Sam. "Sam. This ball of fire is called Charlie and she is totally like you, all into books and whatnot. Dean is probably right when he says that you two get off on books " he laughed while Charlie threatened to shut it if he valued the very existence of his future generations.

That shut Cas right up while the others laughed at his expense. Dean turned to Cas and squeezed his shoulder with a wink, just to make sure he knew they were all just joking. Cas smiled at the gesture and the conversation continued around them.

After a while, after Charlie had helped herself to every food item in their fridge, Dean finally asked her what he and Cas had been wondering for a long time.

"So Charlie, what brings you to our side of the woods, screeching and screaming, making me go half deaf?"

Charlie turned as red as her hair as she replied, "Well, first of all, I'm so sorry for your hearing, Dean. How will you ever listen to my good news now that you're deaf, I mean I'm so fucking sorry that I broke you", her voice dripping with sarcasm. Dean shot her a 'I love you and I'll kill you while you sleep' look, which Charlie ignored and continued, this time without any sarcasm.

"I asked out Gilda." She said with a straight face.

Gilda was the girl Charlie had been crushing on for a long time and she was convinced Gilda was as straight as an Iron rod. Well, apparently not as straight as Charlie made out her to be.

"Holy SHIT you did?! What did she say! C'mon Char don't kill me in suspense." Cas exclaimed loudly which immediately got the attention of Gabe, who once more was hitting on poor Sammy.

"Wait, SHE? Charlie is lesbian? Ooh HOT. But wait, you all knew and still let me hit on her and embarrass myself? Why? Why would you do that?" Gabe exclaimed, feigning shock.

"In their defence, from what I've hears about you, they were enjoying seeing you get embarrassed. I mean you'd do the same in their situation, wouldn't you?" Charlie pointed out.

"Yeah well whatever. So tell me about this Gilda. How far did you go. Details." Gabe prompted with a lewd wink.

"Gross, dude. Keep it in your pants." Cas laughed ay Charlie's expression. Soon conversation turned to Gabe and his antics until Charlie and Sam decided to go raid the kitchen again. After waiting a while for them to return with food, Dean went into the kitchen to ask what was taking them so long.

Just before he entered the kitchen, he heard Charlie and Sam talking in hushed tones and he caught his name, so he decided to listen in.

"... sexual tension between them. It's suffocating." Charlie was saying

"Yeah well you didn't grow up with all the eye fucking they do. I just really wish Dean would get his head out of his ass and see that he and Cas are already boyfriends. I mean I can see that Dean is in love with Cas, everyone else can see they love each other, but they can't see it. How blind can someone be?"

"You know, I thought I was the only one who saw that but thank God I'm not delusional that way."

That was when Dean decided to announce his presence with a loud, "What's taking you guys so long, we're hungry."

Cas and Gabe abandoned their conversation with the arrival of food and the five of them ate and laughed until Charlie had to leave.

Long after Charlie and left and everyone was fast asleep, Dean lay awake in bed, beside Cas, thinking about what he had overheard between his friend and his brother. Dean wasn't gay. He knew that for sure. If he was gay, his father would have kicked him out of the house, but he wasn't gay. He loved girls. Sure, he and Cas were good friends but that didn't make him gay for Cas, did it?

Charlie and Sam were just confused, Dean concluded as he tried to fall asleep, pushing aside all thoughts of Cas from his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

" _Oh my God!" groaned Dean as he lay in bed, soaked in sweat. A hand reached out to pinch his nipples which sent a wave of pleasure straight to his dick which was lying on his stomach, hard and leaking continuously, while the other hand held Dean's wrists above his head, effectively pinning him to the bed._

 _Dean's eyes were closed tight and his face was an expression of pure ecstasy as he lay sweating and panting._

 _Dean opened his eyes and was immediately met with the sight of Cas above him. His mouth was open as he thrust deep into Dean, his brow was pinched in concentration as Dean traced the path of a drop of sweat along the side of his face. Dean licked his lips as he traced the drop of sweat along the thick tendons of Cas' neck. He leaned up to lick the drop from his friend's neck._

 _Just then Cas thrust in and nailed Dean's prostate, causing him to cry out and clench around Cas as he bit Cas' neck leaving behind a mark that he never knew he'd like, let alone be proud of._

 _Dean cried out in pleasure and shut his eyes again, not wanting the feeling to pass._

 _He leaned up to kiss Cas on his mouth because that was the only way the feeling could get any better, with Cas' mouth on his._

" _Fuck, Dean!" Cas cried out with a groan that was worthy of a porn movie and emptied himself into Dean._

 _Before Dean could remove his hands from Cas' grip and clutch at the base of his dick, he was coming too, untouched for the first time since he was a young teen humping a girl in the backseat of his car._

When Dean woke up, he was covered in sweat and had just come, humping his bed, while Cas, the literal guy of his dreams, lay a couple of feet away, sleeping obliviously.

'Just fucking great!' Dean thought to himself as he got up to find a new pair of underwear to put on and put the soiled ones in the laundry.

It had been over a week since Dean had overheard Charlie talking to his brother about his apparent crush on Cas and ever since then, he had woken each night to soiled underwear. Each night he would have these vivid wet dreams about his gay best friend, thanks to his other gay best friend. Stupid gay friends and their big mouths. And big cocks, his traitor brain supplied, if his dreams and Cas' morning wood was anything to go by. Dammit.

Or maybe it was because he caught Sam necking Gabe one too many times in the kitchen. Not that Sam or Gabe know that he knows. (And he'll need lots of brain bleach to remove that image from his mind, but it was fun to see them act straight around other people when he knew the truth and once he got over the Cas problem, Dean would tease them endlessly about it.) So many reasons for Dean to choose from about why he was having the dreams. Because C'mon everyone knew Dean was as straight as they came.

Whatever the reason for the dreams was, Dean was getting tired of this. And while he loved his brother, he couldn't wait for Sam to leave in the morning, so that he could stop sharing his bed with Cas and then the dreams would stop. Right? They had to stop then at last.

But as luck would have it, even after dropping off the Sasquatch and his no-Dean-he's-not-my-boyfriend- Gabe, and not having to share his bed with Cas, the dreams continued, and what's worse, they actually began to effect the way he interacted with Cas and Cas was beginning to notice.

"It's nothing, Cas. Just that classes are about to start again and I'm overreacting about that." Dean told him, but they both knew it was just an excuse, a stupid one at that.

Finally Dean decided that it was too much and he needed to talk to Charlie about this before he lost his mind over this issue. So he called her up and they decided to meet over lunch to gossip about their latest not-crushes the next day.

Thankfully Cas was busy and didn't join them or it would have been weird.

The next afternoon, Charlie greeted Dean with a bone crushing hug and her signature megawatt smile that instantly cheered Dean up a bit. After almost two weeks of constant sex dreams about his best friend, Dean was feeling overwhelmed, to say the least, and weird about it.

Charlie, knowing Dean so well, immediately picked up on his sour mood and demanded, "What's up? What's wrong? Who's ass needs kicking? Who's social life need I destroy? Tell me the name and I'll dig up the most embarrassing stuff about them and make sure it goes viral."

Her sincerity warmed Dean's heart and he smiled as he replied, "Char, I'm in a bit of a problem. No wait first let me tell you everything then you can judge me all you want. But don't interrupt, I won't have the courage to say this again later." Dean took a deep breath and told her everything, from hearing her talk to Sam, to his dreams, even all the explicit details of his dreams because, well, it was Charlie. He told her that he wasn't creeped out and that made him feel weird and that he really had no idea what to make of it.

Dean talked for a good fifteen minutes, the longest he ever talked about his feelings, only to realize Charlie was trying not to laugh at him. "It's not funny, Charlie!" He scolded her, which just caused her to break out into peals of laughter.

After she had calmed a bit, she took a deep breath and said, "Sounds like someone's got a little man crush on his best friend, Dean. No don't try to deny it. Okay think about this, do you hate it when someone flirts with him? Do you catch yourself staring a him a lot? Because that, my friend, are two classic signs of having a crush, and believe it or not, there's nothing wrong with crushes."

Charlie continued to speak in length about crushes and all but Dean had zoned out, as he thought about his friendship with Cas. He thought about every time he looked at Cas and was fascinated by his or his gummy smile. Or the way he pinched his brow when he was confused and tilted his head, or how his nose scrunched up when he tried not to laugh at something Dean said. Dean thought about every time that he felt low and Cas cheered him up, just by being there, in a way no one else could.

That's when he realized, not only did he have a crush on his best friend, but he was in love with him.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: sorry I've been gone for a while, I was busy with exams but I'm back with a new chapter and hopefully I'll be able to upload fairly often now. English isn't my first language and this is unbeta'ed so feel free to point out any mistakes. Happy reading :)**

* * *

"... Hello? Earth to Dean? Ground control to major Tom? Anybody in there? Yoo-hoo?" A hand waved and fingers clicked in front of Dean's eyes as he came back to the present. He looked around and realized that he was still at lunch with Charlie.

"Yeah I'm here. Sorry, I sort of just zoned out for a bit. I was thinking and got lost in my mind. I-" Dean began to ramble nonsense when Charlie interrupted him.

"Yeah dipshit, I know you 'zoned out' and 'got lost in your own mind' and were 'thinking'. I've been sitting here for the past god-only-knows-how-many minutes, trying to get your attention while you were lost in Dean-land thinking about your definitely-not-a-crush-only-a-friend Cas. Now what were you thinking that's so important that you made your queen look like an idiot by zoning out? I'm sure I'm not all that boring, am I?" she teased him with a smirk. Almost as if she knew exactly what Dean was thinking. But she didn't know it, right? Sure she had her doubts but even Dean didn't know he was in love with Cas until a few minutes ago, how could she know?

 _Stop being paranoid, Dean._ He told himself.

But, well, he knew that she knew what was going on, despite whatever he tried to tell himself. She knew him a bit too well for that.

"What? Oh.. Nothing... Um.. I was just thinking... Nothing really." He stammered while Charlie tried really hard to control her laughter. "I wasn't thinking of anything, your Highn-ASS." He teased her right back. He knew she got riled up when he did that.

"Hey! Not a word about my ass, Winchester. I have an exquisite ass, I will have you know. And the only reason you're not getting a piece of it is because I'm not into the likes of you." Charlie replied with flustered expression, surprised with the sudden change in topic.

"Yeah well I hate to burst your bubble but I don't want a piece of it." Dean replied with a smug expression, enjoying seeing Charlie get all flustered.

"Yeah whatever, Winsister." She replied in a nonchalant manner that Dean hated, especially with that nickname. Damn you Charlie.

"Yeah whatever. Anyway I think I should go." He replied, wanting to get away and be home by the time Cas came back from whatever class he has that day. He was really looking forward to spending time with his best friend, and this time there was another reason for it too.

"Why, what's the hurry? Is it the same best-friend-not-crush who has you all goo-goo eyed? Is that why you want to go home so early? Awww you're cute, Winchester." Charlie had a huge shit-eating-Cheshire-cat-type grin on her face that Dean wished he could find a way to wipe off. He knew that even though he hadn't confirmed anything with Charlie, she knew exactly what was going on and wouldn't stop teasing him about it.

"Yeah whatever, missy. I have to leave so I'll see you later. Let me know how it goes with Gilda on your not-a-date-that-you-won't-tell-me-about date thing." Dean teased her back, for once enjoying the feeling of being on the other end of the teasing with Charlie. It was fun.

"Peace out, bitch." Charlie replied with a Spock type hand thing she always made, as Dean left with a smile on his face.

Not only did he love spending time with Charlie, but she also always helped put things – feelings – in perspective for him. Which was great because Dean didn't do feelings. No thank you very much but he'll pass. Charlie and Sam on the other hand were all about talking about feelings and everything. The next thing you know, they'll be organizing sleepovers and braiding each other's hair. God knows both of them have long enough hair for that.

Usually Dean would have gone to Sam with relationship problems but the little bitch was already teasing him about Cas for a long time and it wasn't worth giving him more ammo, especially when it was true. And last that Dean knew, Sam wasn't even into dicks, but apparently he was wrong there, seeing how Sam was all over Gabe. Just the thought of the two of them sent a shudder down Dean's spine. That little bitch had some explaining to do before Dean told him anything about Cas.

When Dean got home, Cas was already there looking through Dean's clothes for something. He was bent at the waist, giving Dean a fairly nice view of his ass and of course Dean didn't want to interrupt but curiosity got better of him and he cleared his throat to get Cas' attention.

"What are you doing with my clothes?" he asked in an amused tone.

Cas straightened up looking extremely flustered – and very adorable, thought Dean – and replied in an embarrassed voice

"Oh. Well.. Um.. I, uh, I sort of have a date with, um, a guy from my class and I don't have anything to wear and you have a blue shirt that really would look good on me and I was looking for it and I know you won't mind and I wanted to borrow it-" Cas looked really flustered about being caught like that.

"Date? What? With who? Why didn't you tell me?" Dean demanded. And no, he wasn't jealous or anything. Not at all. He was happy for his best friend who was going on a date with a not him person. The only reason he felt upset was because he wouldn't be able to spend time with his best friend. No other reason, at all. Nope. Nu-uh.

"Yeah, um, he asked me out today. Balthazar. His name is Balthazar. And, um, please help me?" Cas looked up at him with puppy dog eyes, good enough to rival those of Sam. Who could say no to that expression? Not Dean, that's for sure.

"Fine. C'mon let's get you dressed up." He replied with a roll of his eyes as he took out the shirt Cas was talking about. It was the same shade of blue as Cas' eyes and complimented them perfectly. The shirt was slightly small on Dean but an exact fit for Cas and DAMN did it look hot on him. How Dean wished Cas was going on a date with him instead of some Balthazar guy.

A few minutes later, Cas was almost ready to leave for his date. With Dean's blue shirt, and a pair of jeans that showed off his ass wonderfully, Cas looked like a walking wet dream. Not to mention his hair which looked like he just had a round of really amazing sex. Thankfully, Cas was too busy trying to fix his hair to see Dean adjust his jeans because who would not be turned on by that view.

Dean was going to have a really hard time, no pun intended. No one should be allowed to be this sinfully hot.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean had been pacing in the room for the past God-only-knew-how-long, since Cas left for his date with that prick Balthazar. Yeah, okay so Dean hasn't ever met or talked to Balthazar but it didn't make him any less of a prick. Any one who went on a date with Cas was a prick, as far as Dean was concerned. Any one who went on a date with Cas was a stupid, selfish prick who didn't deserve to be with Cas because Cas was one of the most selfless people that Dean knew.

So here Dean was, pacing the room, with his eyes on the door and ears outside, listening for any sign of Cas coming back from his date. Now it wasn't as if Dean was jealous. Pshht! He wasn't, really. He was just worried about his best friend because Cas hadn't been on too many dates before. What if he read the situation wrong? What if something happened? What if Cas was in trouble and needed his help?

With that thought, Dean fished his mobile out of his pocket to check if there were any missed texts or calls from Cas.

None. Dammit Cas.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime of pacing around aimlessly and roughly a million aborted calls checking up on Cas, Dean heard a bump just outside his apartment door, followed by muffled voices and then complete silence.

Dean waited patiently (okay not at all patiently don't judge! He wanted to talk to his best friend about the disaster of a date that he had is it really so bad to be impatient about it? Jeez.) for about 5-10 minutes (okay maybe it was 5-10 seconds. Disaster date and all, Come On.) then he opened the door to see what happened and what was taking so long.

The sight he was met with made him see red all over. Cas was leaning against the wall where a blond guy had him pinned and they were making out like a couple of teenagers. Mr. Blondie was all over Cas, touching him and feeling him up. Suddenly Cas let out a choked off sound, which sounded more erotic to Dean than porn, solely because it was Cas. That sound broke him out of his jealous rage about seeing someone else have Cas where he wanted Cas and he cleared his throat to get their attention.

They broke off their kiss and turned to look at Dean. Cas looked at him with an expression that clearly said how happy he was to have gone on the date, and quite frankly made Dean feel shit about not being the one to take Cas out on dates, and the Blondie glared daggers at him which Dean chose to wisely ignore.

"Well if you kids are done, it's time to wrap this up and head home." Dean exclaimed in a falsely cheerful voice and finally glared back at Blondie.

Cas nodded and said goodbye to Blondie, followed by a peck to his lips and went inside. Dean was left having a glare war with Blondie when he said

"Okay Blondie, listen up-"

"The name is Balthazar." Blondie replied in a quite sexy, possibly European, accent. Dammit, not only did he look good, Dean could admit that even if he hated the guy, but he also had the accent thing going on. Dean: 0, Blondie: 2.

"Yeah I know, Cas told me. Blondie it is. Here's the deal. I hate your guts but Cas is my best friend and he clearly doesn't, so I'll pretend to be civil with you, but if you so much as even think about hurting Cas, I will become your worst nightmare. I might not look like much but I will hunt you down and make sure no one hears from you again. And I have absolutely no problems with going to jail for dealing with someone who hurts Cas. Are we clear?"

Blondie didn't look even a bit fazed as he replied, "Yeah don't worry Romeo, your precious won't be harmed, not by me at least. I might have the sort of vibe going on where I seem to not care about others, but I do care about Castiel and I won't hurt him, calm your balls."

Dean scoffed and went back inside, leaving Blondie to go back as well, and went to look for Cas to talk about the date. Just because he wasn't the one dating Cas didn't mean he wouldn't be supportive of his best friend dating others. He would support Cas dating anyone even if he hated their guts for doing what Dean couldn't.

Cas was in his room getting ready for bed and humming some song Dean had never hears about. Wow that was new. If Cas was humming around, this guy must really mean something to Cas, which made it worse for Dean because he would never be that guy for Cas.

"So how was your date? Enjoyed yourself?"

Apparently that was the wrong question to ask because Cas started to go on and on about how the date was perfect and how 'Balt' was an absolute gentleman to him and how he absolutely enjoyed himself.

"Ob God Dean it was awesome! I had so much fun, we went to a restaurant, the kind where I used to go as a kid, where the waiters are dressed as 'penguins'" he did the finger quote thing to talk about how Dean felt about such places and it was adorable. "And then we went for a walk in the park where Balt bought me an ice cream to share and he didn't make fun of me when it got on my nose like it always does and he opened and closed doors for me and you have no idea how amazing it all felt. Dean, this was the best date ever, it was perfect. And have you heard him talk? His accent is something to die for, Dean he sounds so amazing." Cas sighed dreamily and that just made him hate Blondie even more.

Damn that stupid blond guy with his stupid good looks and his stupid sexy accent.

"Wow Cas that sounds like so much fun." Dean tried to be cheerful but his voice sounded hollow even to his own ears. Cas gave him a weird look and said,

"Are you feeling well, Dean? You don't sound well. Do you have a fever? Wait I'll get you some medicine, it will help."

"No, Cas. I'm fine, I'm just tired, I'll go to bed I think." Dean managed and went to his room, shutting his door behind him before letting himself feel bad for not being able to date Cas. He lay in bed for a long time imagining what it would be like to date Cas, to hold him in his arms, how Cas' lips would feel against his and how it would be to be able to tell Cas that he loved him.

It was possibly hours before he was finally able to fall asleep with tears in his eyes about not being able to tell Cas he loved him ever. Especially now that Cas was so happy to be dating Blondie. He would never mess that up for his best friend even if it meant hurting himself. Cas deserved to be happy and if it was Blondie who made him happy then Dean would just be civil towards him.

And if he dreamt about a certain blond being out of the scene, it was no one's business but his own.


	7. Chapter 7

_**NOTE: Hey I'm back! Sorry it took so long to upload, but real life called, it said it wants my attention. *sigh***_

 _ **This chapter is *slightly* longer and by slightly I mean 4 pages instead of 3, to make up for the lost time. (Remind me never to make up for stuff, I might just make it worse)**_

 _ **As usual this is unbeta'ed so any and all mistakes and mine, and English isn't my first language.**_

 _ **Keeping that in mind, feel free to call me out on my mistakes so I can correct them.**_

 _ **And please do leave a comment if you liked it, and if you want me to add or change something (I'll see what I can do about it)**_  
 _ **Your comments and Kudos mean the world to me.**_

 _ **Without further wait, Happy Reading :)**_

* * *

"Dean! Dean, come here real quick I need your help! Dean Winchester!" Cas called out to Dean without giving him a chance to reply first.

"Yeah Cas okay! Jeez I'll be right there. Don't even let a guy shower in peace would you?" Dean replied, mumbling the last part mostly to himself. He wrapped a towel around his waist, still mostly dripping from his interrupted shower. 'Thank God I wasn't jerking off right then. That would have been really awkward to explain to Cas' Dean thought to himself with a chuckle as he exited the shower and went outside to see what Cas was doing.

Cas was in his room buttoning up his jeans. His jeans that hugged his ass in such a perfect way that Dean had to remind himself to breathe because HOLY FUCK Cas had a phenomenally perfect ass. That ass should be made illegal. Cas was wearing nothing – absolutely nothing – on top. Dean wasn't sure if he should check out Cas' ass or his chest. Cas had a perfectly chiselled chest, how had Dean missed that before? Dean's eyes raked Cas' naked torso with the hunger of someone who hadn't gotten laid in ages. Although, in Dean's case that was pretty accurate.

Dean snapped out of his fantasy of having his mouth all over Cas with a shake of his head and he cleared his throat. He looked up at Cas to see him look like a deer caught in the headlights and Dean was sure he just imagined that he saw Cas' eyes snap up from around his crotch. Projecting his feelings and all that.

"Uhh. Dean, I uhh. I have a date with Balthazar tonight and since you are way more experienced in the dating department, can you help me decide what to wear? I mean I wore this jeans because it hugs my butt in a nice way but I don't know what shirt to wear. I could wear the blue one that you got me because it 'brings out my eyes' or the green one because it is slightly tight in the 'right places' whatever that means. Charlie told me that the green one makes me look 'dreamy' and now I'm confused."

It took Dean a few seconds to start thinking from his upstairs brain and comprehend what Cas meant. Date. Balthazar. Clothes. That was all that his brain finally registered.

"Yeah, umm wait let me get you one of my shirts. It a bit small on me so it should fit you perfectly."

Dean turned around and took a deep breath to calm down the boner that was forming under his towel. He went to his room and grabbed a blue T-shirt that he thought would fit Cas well. He also grabbed a pair of boxers and wore them, it was way more comfortable than the towel.

Shirt in hand, Dean went back to Cas' room where he was trying to tame his hair only to have it stick out even more, making him go from just-woke-up-from-an-amazing-nap to I-was-just-thoroughly-fucked-by-my-boyfriend-five-minutes-ago and Dean would be damned if that look didn't do things to him below the belt that no amount of deep breaths could calm down. It was not a good idea to have the hots for his best friend but apparently his dick seemed to have missed the memo.

By the time Cas was ready for his date, Dean's willpower had been stretched thin and it took him everything he had to not bend Cas right there and have his way with him.

When Cas left, Dean said a too cheerful goodbye which earned him a suspicious look from Cas.

'Dammit Dean. Way to act normal. Now Cas knows you love him and you've ruined your friendship. Great job fucking up this too.' Said a voice on his shoulder which sounded a lot like himself.

'Oh come on, Dean, you're just in a good mood, happy that your childhood best friend is getting some, that doesn't have to mean more than that to Cas.' Said a Sammy sounding voice.

'No nope nu-uh Cas knows. What with all the not to subtle checking out, even a blind person would know that Dean is in love with Cas. Dean and Cas sitting in a tree and all that jazz.'

"Goddammit" Dean muttered. Thankfully the voices were a total boner killer so he didn't have to worry about feeling guilty about jacking off to his male best friend.

...

Dean was in the kitchen preparing himself something to eat when his phone rang. Since Cas would be eating with his date, this was the first time in a long time that Dean had to prepare a meal for only one person. Earlier it used to be for him and Sammy and then him and Cas, so Dean was feeling a bit unbalanced having to cook for one. That's why when his phone rang, he answered without looking at the caller id like he always did.

"Dean Ross Winchester!" came an angry voice from the other end of the call, making Dean flinch. Sammy never used his full name unless he was in trouble. Well two can play this game.

"Samuel Tristan Winchester." Dean answered calmly. "What a pleasant surprise. To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

"Oh shut up, Dean. You very well know what happened."

Dean's expression became contorted with confusion because he genuinely had no idea what Sammy meant. But before he could ask, Sam continued.

"You finally, after so many years, realize that you're in love with your best friend. Let me emphasise on the finally part of it, by the way. And you don't think that I should know? You're supposed to tell me stuff like that yourself. Instead I heard it from Charlie because she thought I knew."

Sam finished his short rant with a sigh and Dean chose that break to speak up.

"Well Sammy, you're one to speak. When were you going to tell me that you were boning Gabe?"

Sam sputtered, knowing he had been caught and mumbled something on the lines of you don't get to scold me for hiding anything because you're hiding too.

Ignoring Sam's jab, Dean continued

"So you gonna tell me what's up with you and Gabriel?"

"First you gotta tell me what's up with you and Cas."

Dean was about to tell him to mind his own beeswax when something struck him.

"Wait Sammy what do you mean by finally I realized I'm in love with him? And what do you mean after years?"

"Seriously Dean? You never realized you've been in love with your best friend for years? That's why Gabe and Charlie and I tease you guys so much. You two are so in love with each other that even a blind person would think you're together but neither of you ever realize it."

Around halfway through this impromptu speech, Cas came back from his date and Dean got distracted, missing out the last part.

"... Deanie weenie? Hello?" Gabe's voice called out to him from the other end of the call, breaking Dean out of his trance where he was staring at Cas' ass. Cas who was bent at the waist looking in the fridge for water, had no idea what effect his jeans was having on Dean.

"What? Yes I'm here, you were saying? Wait a second when did Gabe come on call, I was talking to Sammy." Dean said, not realizing that he had zoned out for a minute, so focused on Cas' ass that he didn't notice Gabe come on line.

"I've been here for quite some time now, thank you very much for noticing." Gabe replied, while at the same time, Cas who had heard Gabe's name asked,

"Gabe's on call? Wait I want to talk to him."

Hearing Cas' voice, Gabe said to Sam, "Ah. He got distracted by Cas. Makes sense." And they both laughed at his expense.

Cad took Dean's phone and put it on speaker, keeping the phone between their faces so that they both could talk to their brothers.

Throughout the rest of the call, Dean was hyper aware of how close Cas' face was to his and how he could feel Cas' breath on his face when he spoke. Dean could see every shade of blue in Cas' eyes and noticed every small detail about him. He saw the crinkles around Cas' eyes when he laughed and the scrunch of his brow when he frowned. Most of all, he noticed how absolutely kissable Cas' lips were and wanted nothing more than to cover the distance between them and kiss Cas. And it scared the life out of him knowing how much he wanted his best friend. Until now, nothing had scared Dean Winchester more than his feelings for his best friend did.


	8. Chapter 8

__Now that the cat was out of the bag, so to speak, Sam, Gabe and Charlie left no chance to tease Dean about Cas. Sure, they did it earlier as well, but then it was just to rile him up. Now they knew for a fact that there was something going on and their teasing just got worse.

"Yes, Dean, of course Cas loves you too, you're his best friend."

"Oh he surely likes you more than just a friend, anyone can see that."

All of his friends gave him different opinions on Cas' feelings for him, just to mess with him, ranging from 'he totally wants to bone you' to 'it's a hundred percent platonic for him'

And if all these mixed signals from his very helpful (note the sarcasm dripping from every syllable of the word) friends weren't enough, he was receiving mixed signals from Cas too. That or maybe he was reading too much into normal things and projecting his feelings.

Just yesterday, for instance, Dean was in the shower when he realized he had forgotten his clothes in his room. Assuming that Cas had already left for his date (who went for so many dates, anyway? Cas and Balthazar, apparently), Dean, instead of wrapping his towel around his waist, used it to dry his hair and went to his room to get his clothes.

He stopped at the door of his room and bent to pick up his discarded sweatshirt when he heard a noise behind him. On pure instinct, he turned around to see what the noise was. And right there was Cas, looking at Dean with wide eyes, almost as if he was checking Dean out. Dean felt some of his blood head south under the intensity of Cas' stare.

"Oh hey, Cas" Dean said awkwardly. "I thought you would have left by now, you know, for your date with Balthazar."

That seemed to snap Cas out of a trance and he replied, "Yeah, um, I was downstairs when I realized I forgot my overnight bag at home so I, um, came back. Yeah."

That's when Dean noticed a bag in Cas' hand, and that Cas was staring right at Dean's half hard dick while licking his lips. Suddenly aware of his nakedness, Dean covered himself with his towel and awkwardly apologized to Cas saying, "Well, sorry about that. Now go, I don't want to keep you any longer from having sex with your guy." Who wasn't him, he didn't add. With that, Dean turned around and shut the door to his room.

Since that incident, over a day ago, Dean had replayed the scene many times in his head and was sure of the following things. A) He had heard Cas whimper when he bent down to pick up his sweatshirt. B) Cas' eyes were dark with lust when he turned around. C) Cas had been looking at Dean's dick when he licked his lips. All if that combined led him to believe that D) Cas wanted him like he wanted Cas. But, E) Cas was in a relationship so that wasn't possible.

He was still going over it all in his head and getting worked up over it when Charlie called. And Charlie, having her special Charlie powers, knew immediately that something was wrong before he could even say Hi.

"What's bothering you handmaiden?" She asked.

Dean knew it wouldn't do him any good by lying to her so he just said it was some Cas related problem. Immediately Charlie offered to come over with movies and snacks. Knowing that it would be impossible to get her to not come he just told her to bring beer with her. He needed to be more than just tipsy if he was going to tell her this stuff.

Less than half an hour later, Charlie was at his door, letting herself in, with both of her hands full of food items. Dean's eyes lit up when he saw the pie she had brought.

"I knew I loved you Char!" he exclaimed as he took the pie from her and gave her a loud, sloppy kiss on her cheek, knowing it annoyed her.

"Yes Dean, I love you too but can you be a little less sloppy? The only saliva I want on me is my girlfriend's."

"Wait, girlfriend? You and Gilda made it official? Wow congratulations!" Dean said, hugging his best friend. Even though he was jealous of her because she was in a happy relationship, he was also genuinely happy for her.

One movie and around 2 beers each later Charlie finally brought it up with a sigh.

"So are you gonna tell me what happened or am I supposed to guess?"

Dean in turn took a deep breath and braced himself for Charlie's reaction to the incident. He was sure that she would first screech his hearing away and then tell him what she felt about the situation.

"I accidentally flashed Cas and he saw me naked and I'm sure he wants me." Dean said it all so fast that it came out as one word.

Charlie looked at him with a shocked expression and said, "Wait what? Tell me everything, this time SLOWLY. You did WHAT!"

Dean told her the entire incident, SLOWLY, and told her what he felt and how he was sure Cas wanted him too. After about a minute of silence, Dean was sure that he had broken her. Charlie Bradbury was never left speechless. Ever.

Just as he was about to ask her what was wrong she let out a loud sound, closely representing a high pitched screech and slapped him on the arm as she hugged him, all the while still screeching. Dean was sure he'd go deaf. Any second now. Yep there is was, he was sure he was losing his hearing now.

"Okay so, he was totally checking you out, my dear handmaiden. At least that's what I get from what you told me. So he does want you. Then what's the problem?"

"The problem, my so intelligent queen," Dean replied with sarcasm, " is that Cas is already in a relationship with that British Blond Douchenozzle. And if he is already in a relationship, then there is no way he'd want me. So maybe I'm just projecting and stuff and reading too much into signs that don't actually exist."

"Don't you dare say stuff like that. DESTIEL is damn real and there's no way I'll let you say otherwise. The signs are all there."

"Destiel?"

"Yes, Dean, Dean and Castiel. The ship. The OTP."

"Is that some sort of code?" Dean asked, completely confused.

Charlie sighed at this and said, "Sure Dean, whatever. The point is, I'm not the only one who wants Dean and Cas to get together. Everyone else knows that you guys have a thing for each other. We're not blind."

This made Dean spit out his beer. "What! Everyone knows? Everyone knew before I did? What next? You're gonna tell me there's a betting pool going on now? How do you all even know?"

"Well, you guys literally have no concept of personal space-"

"I've known him since we were kids, of course we're comfortable with being physically close-"

"Both of you have been known to ditch dates for each other-"

"Yeah well he's my best friend, if he needs something, his needs come before sex. I'd do the same for you."

"Stop interrupting me, Dean. All of your exes have been insecure of you two, because all of them feel that you have feelings for Cas. Both of you are insanely jealous of anyone the other person is dating. You two constantly have eye sex. You stare at each other like no one else exists, until one of us snaps you out of it. You both smile at each other like the other person is the best thing you'll ever see. Both of you are so in love with each other that even a blind person can see that."

This hit Dean like a bag of bricks. "Okay, let's say what you said is true, there is still a problem. Cas is in a relationship, and there is no way I'm going to break them up just because I love him. He deserves to be happy and he will be happier with that Brit than he would be with me."

To this, Charlie sighed and said, "We'll get back to it later. For now let's watch another movie and wait for your boyfriend to get back from his date."


	9. Chapter 9

Over the past few days, Castiel had been out of the house most of the time, either busy with his classes or out with Balthazar. So when Balthazar told him that he had to go out for the weekend with his family, Cas decided to spend that time with Dean. Dean figured that it had been a long time since he and Dean had spent time together and he felt guilty about ignoring him for Balthazar. But Dean didn't blame Cas for that, God knows he ditched Cas numerous times for a date.

Since this was the first time in a long time that Cas and Dean were spending time together, Dean decided to make it special for them both.

Throughout all the years they had been friends, Dean and Cas would have these date nights when they'd order some cheap Chinese takeout and watch some movies until they fell asleep during the movies, curled around each other.

But this time, Dean wanted it to be special. He wanted to make Cas feel the love he harboured for him, without actually saying anything. He wanted to make Cas feel cherished and special like he deserved to feel. Cas had been through a lot of crap in his life, his parents had disowned him when he came out to them at the age of 15 and he had lived in the Winchester household since then, the Winchesters being firm believers that family don't end in blood. Ever since then, they were the only family Cas had, until his brother Gabriel had reached out to him when he graduated high school.

So yeah, Cas had been dealt a crap hand in life and Dean wanted to make him feel nice. Well, nicer than he usually tried to make Cas feel. So he decided to make something himself for the two of them. He decided to make them some lasagne and garlic bread along with some wine. Dean was more of a beer guy himself but Cas loved him some wine and Dean was willing to do it for him. Making Cas his favourite meal along with the stupid romantic comedies he loved so much, Dean was sure this was going to be the best date Cas had ever had.

Though is wasn't a date, was it? It would never actually be a date because Cas didn't know Dean was into him, or even into guys. Hell, till some time ago, Dean didn't even know he was into guys, how could Cas know. So Dean would make this the best not-a-date date Cas had ever had.

By the time the meal was done and Dean had picked out Cas' favourite movies it was time for Cas to return from his classes. Right as Dean was starting to wonder whether Cas would be late, there was the sound of keys turning in the lock. Cas entered with his nose buried in a book about something or the other and almost bumped into Dean who was standing there with an amused look on his face, trying not to laugh at his friend.

Cas squinted his eyes and glared at Dean, possibly telling him mentally to move out of the way when Dean spoke,

"So I made you some Lasagne and garlic bread and I thought we could have some wine with it and watch your stupid Romantic Comedies tonight."

The longer Cas looked at him without replying, the more nervous Dean got. Did Cas have some test that he had to study for over the weekend that Dean didn't know of? Damn, he really should have asked Cas before planning anything. Great now he had ruined yet another thing. But before Dean could say anything, he found himself wrapped in Cas' arms in a bear hug.

"Oh my God, Dean, thank you so much. You have no idea how much I needed this. I missed spending time with you Dean I am so sorry. I missed you so much I love you Dean thank you a million times over-"

"Cas, calm down. Stop rambling. Now take a deep breath with me."

Cas did as Dean told him to do until he calmed down from his excitement a bit.

"Good. Now go freshen up, change out of all these layers of clothes into a pair of boxers and a t shirt and join me at the table for food. Then we'll eat and watch some movies, okay?"

Cas nodded, "Yeah okay Dean. That sounds amazing. I'll be right back."

Dean grinned at him and watched his friend retreat into his room.

They spent the rest of their night eating food and watching stupid romantic comedies and Dean had to admit that he secretly enjoyed them, even if it was only for the actresses because DAMN, Cameron Diaz was a bomb. Not that he would ever say any of it out loud because he had a reputation to uphold after all.

Dean passed random comments throughout the movies that made him and Cas laugh out louder than either of them had in a long time.

The night ended with them falling asleep in the middle of some movie that Dean didn't remember with him resting against one of the hand rests of the couch and Cas' head resting on his lap. Neither of them realized they had fallen asleep.

A few hours later Dean woke with a start and noticed how they had fallen asleep. Cas looked so peaceful sleeping on his lap that Dean couldn't help pressing a soft kiss to his temple. Just then, Cas woke up too looking confused and extremely adorable. He saw Dean grinning down at him and he asked,

"What happened?"

"Oh well, you know, I just woke up feeling extremely refreshed and, well, you know how we were sleeping." Dean winked at him lewdly.

Cas scrunched his nose and said, "Hah, you wish, Winchester. My head may have been in your lap but there's mot way I gave you a blowjob if that's what you're suggesting. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Oh come on Cas, where's the fun in that? You know you want to." Dean smirked at him. God, how he missed just teasing Cas about stuff like this without having to worry about how close to the truth it was and if Cas would figure it out.

Cas simply punched him in his arm and got up.

"Whatever, Dean. I'm going to sleep. Good night."

With that the two friends went to their separate rooms to sleep, Dean wishing that their conversation was true, unknown to Cas.

That night, Dean fell asleep with a smile on his face, knowing that no matter what happened, he would always have Cas' friendship to fall back on, that no matter what happened, he wouldn't lose Cas to his feelings. That was the best Dean could have asked for.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys, I'm so sorry it took me this long to upload this chapter, but I wasn't really in a good headspace for a long time and incidents kept happening that just made it worse. It's a miracle I'm still here. Tbh. So while I genuinely sorry for the delay, for me, my health comes before my fics. Sorry again.**

 **Anyway, as always this is unbeta'ed and all mistakes are mine. English isn't my first language so feel free to point out any and all mistakes. Constructive criticism is welcome.**

 **Happy reading :)**

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Dean and Cas had been best friends for so many years now, that Dean was running out of ideas about what to do for Cas' birthday. Every year, for his birthday, Dean would do something special, not only because Cas deserved it, but also because Cas absolutely hated the attention, but because it was Dean, he went along with even the most outrageous ideas.

Dean had taken Cas on a cross-country road trip for his 16th birthday when he got his driver's permit. Of course it wasn't cross country, it was only two states from theirs but cross country sounded cooler. For his 18th birthday, Dean had hidden 18 gifts all around the town, such as condoms and lube (those were Gabe's ideas, in his defence) and created a mini treasure hunt for Cas to find the gifts.

Although it wasn't just the milestone birthdays that Dean made special for Cas, for instance, on his 12th birthday, Dean had made Cas an apple pie from scratch, and introduced Cas to the wonderful world of pie. Because how could Cas have not known about how wonderfully amazing pie was? Now that Cas had tasted pie, he loved it just as much as Dean did.

So here Dean was, two weeks before Cas' 21st birthday, planning a surprise party for his best friend.

He had already invited Sam and Gabe, they were going to come the day before the party and stay in a hotel for the night, before staying the rest of the week with them. Dean wasn't sure is he was more excited for Cas' birthday or for meeting his brother after such a long time.

Dean had even gone to Cas' classes when Cas wasn't there to invite some of his friends from there. Turned out Cas didn't have many friends. Of course he didn't. The guy was about as social as a moody toddler. He did find a black haired girl from one of Cas' classes who said that she was a sort of friend, which was as close to a friend as Cas got. She even pointed out a couple of other guys who Cas talked to. One of them was an Asian kid named Kevin with lanky limbs and long shaggy hair that reminded him of Sam. He was also a nerd, like Sam and Dean took an instant liking to him.

The other kid was so timid looking that it seemed that he would pass out if Dean spoke too loudly. His name was Sama- something but everyone called him Alfie.

By the time Dean had invited all of Cas' very few friends, the word about the party had spread and nearly all the people in Cas' department were coming. Everywhere Dean went, he heard people talking about what was going to be the biggest, greatest party of the year. People also knew it was a surprise for Cas so no one mentioned it in front of him. Dean didn't know planning a surprise party with so many guests would be this easy to co-ordinate.

More number of guests, however, posed one problem. How would Dean fit them all into his place. His place was big enough for just a few guests but the entire department would never be able to fit in there. So he had only one option on his hand. Balthazar.

Balthazar apparently came from old money and lived in a mansion like house just outside the campus. When Dean went to ask him about hosting a party at his place, of course he agreed. Why couldn't Cas have dated a douche? It would be so much easier to hate him if he was a douche.

When only a week was left for Cas' big birthday bash, almost everything had been arranged. The booze, the food, the birthday pie (a tradition of theirs ever since Dean had made Cas the pie), the guests, and the strippers (don't ask. That was all Gabe and Dean knew it would do no good to try and stop him). The only thing remaining was making sure Cas got to Douche-thazar's house in time for the party.

For that, of course Balthazar had the amazing idea that they should let people collect at his place while Cas had a small celebration with him, Dean, Gabe, Sam, Charlie, Meg, Kevin and Alfie. Then Balthazar would take hum to his place for a 'private celebration' (the thought of which made Dean very uncomfortable even though he knew there wouldn't be time fir a private celebration until later). Despite his hatred for Balthazar, Dean had to admit that was a very good plan.

So with all the details planned and double checked, all that there was left to do was wait for the day to arrive.

...

A couple of days later, Dean decided to take Cas out for dinner, along with Charlie. It had been a long time since the three of them had gone out together. Of course that led to a lot of teasing on behalf of Charlie about how she didn't want to be third wheeling and she invited along Gilda, who she had finally gotten serious with. They decided to go out for dinner on the Friday before Cas' birthday, which was falling on a Sunday.

They all met at the restaurant and had a light conversation, teasing each other and laughing at each other's expense. Gilda seemed like a really nice girl and Dean was sure Charlie was lucky to have her. That didn't stop him from giving her the typical big brother hurt her and I'll hurt you speech. She, in her defence, took it all in good spirit and promised to not hurt Charlie.

When Cas had gone for a bathroom break, Gilda leaned forward and asked when he was planning to ask him out.

"I – what?" Dean exclaimed. "I'm not asking him out! He's already in a relationship!"

Charlie gave Gilda a look which was very similar to her I told you so look.

"Oh my God, Charlie didn't tell me that!" Gilda looked at Charlie accusingly. "But Dean, Cas really likes you. I mean before you told me he was in a relationship, I just figured you were dancing around each other. I'm so sorry. But you really should ask him out, Dean. I've just met you guys once but even I can see how much he cares about you, in a more than just friends way."

Dean glanced behind him to make sure Cas wasn't back before he said, "I'm not going to break up my best friend with his boyfriend just because I have the hots for him. He deserves to be happy and if that Blond Douche makes him happy then I'll keep quiet."

Before Gilda or Charlie could reply, Cas came back and the conversation shifted to other topics.

That night when Dean was lying in bed, he replayed every memory of him and Cas, going through the details of Cas and his interactions with a fine tooth comb, that's when he realized, maybe Cas did indeed like him more than just a friend. With the realization came a feeling of lightness, because CAS liked DEAN back, as well as a sense of heaviness because Cas was already in a relationship. It was a bittersweet feeling that didn't leave Dean's mind until the day of the party, when the Incident™ happened.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: HEY THERE! I'M SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPLOAD, MY LIFE HAS BEEN ONE SHIT STORM AFTER THE OTHER AND I HAD NEITHER THE TIME, NOR THE ENERGY TO WRITE OR UPLOAD. I HOPE Y'ALL ARE STILL FOLLOWING THE STORY.**

 **AS USUAL, THIS IS UNBETA'ED AND ENGLISH ISN'T MY FIRST LANGUAGE SO FEEL FREE TO CALL ME OUT ON ANY AND ALL MISTAKES, LET ME KNOW HOW YOU LIKE THIS.**

 **HAPPY READING :)**

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Dean was planning something big.

Well, of course Dean was planning something big. Dean always planed something big. From baking him homemade apple pie to taking him on a road trip, Dean never left out an opportunity to make Cas' birthday special for him. But it wasn't just his birthdays that Dean made special, it was all the little things that Dean probably didn't even realize he did, that made Cas' days special, and made him glad that Dean Winchester was such a huge part of his life. For instance, when Cas had come out to Dean as gay, Dean surprised him by taking him to a gay strip club/bar, ignoring his own discomfort, to make up for all the times that he had taken Cas to a straight one where Cas had been uncomfortable. It wasn't a huge deal to Dean, but it had meant the world to Cas.

This time, though, felt different. Dean had been acting weird for quite some time now, and Cas had no idea how to explain his behaviour, except for the fact that Dean was planning something big. The thing was, Dean didn't get it, that even if Dean gave him nothing more than a dollar, it would be special to him because it was from Dean. But the pride on Dean's face when he presented Cas with his gifts and how his face lit up when Cas loved the gift were totally worth it. Cas wouldn't change that for the world. So what if Dean wanted to pamper Cas with gifts on each birthday, if it made Dean happy, Cas would gladly be the centre of everyone's attention for as long as Dean wanted.

Cas wondered what master plan Dean had come up with this time and who all were helping him. As long as it wasn't Gabe who was helping him, everything would be fine. A few years ago, Dean had asked Gabe to come up with gifts for a treasure hunt that he had organized, and the gifts ended up being stuff like condoms and lube, that were hidden all throughout the town for him to find.

Contemplating Dean's gifts aside, it was Cas' birthday in less than 24 hours and he was just getting home from a date with Balthazar when Dean called him.

"Hello, Dean." Cas greeted him with a smile, even though Dean couldn't see it.

"Hey, Cas. How long until you're home?"

"Dean, what did you do this time?" the only times Dean asked that was when he had made some sort of mess in the kitchen or broken something.

"What? Nothing. What makes you say I did something? I just wanted to spend some time with you today because tomorrow you'll be with your boyfriend."

"Yeah, Balth did mention something like that."

"Yeah. So when are you getting home?"

"I'm almost there, I'll be there in 5."

"Okay seeya then." Dean hung up abruptly. Huh. Okay then.

When Cas got home, he was immediately greeted with the smell of food burning, and a lot of smoke. He went into the kitchen to see what happened, to find Dean standing there with a dejected look on his face. Seeing Dean's sadness made Cas' heart hurt too.

When Dean noticed Cas, his expression became even sadder and he said, "I wanted to bake you a cake. Turns out, I'm not very good at following instructions and now you don't have a birthday cake. I'm sorry, Cas."

Suddenly, Cas couldn't control his laughter and started giggling like a teenage girl. Dean's bewildered expression surely didn't help and his giggles turned into huge guffaws, interspersed with ugly snorting. Watching Cas laugh his ass off, Dean also began to smile a bit and soon they both were sitting on the floor, trying to catch their breaths before bursting into a fit of giggles again, over no apparent reason.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, they managed to control their breathing and Cas helped Dean clean up the mess he had made in the kitchen.

By the time they were done, it was getting late so they decided to order in and snuggle into the cushions to watch some movies. After eating, less than halfway into the first movie, Cas noticed that Dean was already asleep, leaning his head into Cas' side. It couldn't have been a comfortable position but Dean looked so peaceful that Cas just didn't have it him to wake Dean up and send him to bed, so he repositioned himself and they both fell asleep, limbs tangled around each other.

When Cas woke the next morning, Dean was already awake and seemed to be talking to someone on the phone. Well, talking was a mild term, Dean sounded positively frustrated with whoever was on the other end and kept huffing with anger. By the time Cas got up and went to look for Dean, he was hanging up and his face lit up with a warm smile at the sight of Cas.

Dean crossed the room and enveloped Cas into a tight hug.

"Happy Birthday Cas!" he greeted Cas warmly and Cas wished every day was his birthday, if this how he was going to be treated on his birthday.

"Thank you, Dean!"

"Well, now that you're up, go back to bed. I was going to bring you breakfast in bed, because it's your birthday and whatnot." Dean said with a grin.

Cas grinned back at Dean and made his way into his room, waiting for Dean to bring his breakfast to him. While he waited for Dean, Cas decided to check his phone which was beeping with all the unread messages. He had a few from his classmates, one from Gabe and Sam and one from Balth.

From: Balthazar

To: Castiel

Received: 12.06 am

 _Hey Cassie! Happy birthday to you, darling. Well, I suppose you're sleeping right now so I won't bother with a call or anything. But be ready by 10 in the morning, we have a long day planned ahead of us. Dress up fancy, it's going to be worth the efforts ;) Well, not a tuxedo fancy, but a bit more fancy that you would dress daily. It is your birthday after all_

 _Can't wait to see you! Xx_

Cas replied to all the messages and texted Balth that he was awake and was looking forward to spending time with him. By the time he was done replying to everyone, Dean was ready with his tray of food. He had made some French toast and Bacon with Orange juice, all of which Cas liked but what was the best part of it all was the miniature tower of PBJ sandwiches that Dean had also placed on the tray, because he knew that it was Cas' favourite. Cas barely mumbled a 'thank you' before he began to dig in and eat all the food before it disappeared. Dean laughed in amusement at Cas' speed but he paid it no attention. He was getting breakfast in bed and it was all his favourite food, who cared what anyone else said.

By the time he was done and had taken a shower, Balth was there to pick him up and take him to wherever he had planned to take him. After a brief goodbye to Dean, they left and spent the day together. Balth took him to a lake and had arranged a picnic for them with all the food that Cas liked along with a bottle of wine. They laughed over the fact that this was probably the only time someone ate sandwiches with wine and just lay there in each other's arms, talking about everything and nothing. It was a very romantic day but Cas was yet to see why he was told to dress fancy-ish but he didn't want to ask, fearing that he would burst the small bubble they were floating in. soon, they were both falling asleep, right there on the picnic blanket that Bath had set up, and it was a very peaceful sleep.

As it began to get dark, Balth told him to get up because they had somewhere to be. Groggy, Cas woke up and helped Balth clear up. By the time they were in the car, Cas was fully awake and ready to go wherever they were going. Soon they stopped in front of Balth's house and Balth got out to open his door and escort him to the door like the gentleman that he was. As they entered the house and turned on the light, a bunch of people shouted 'Happy Birthday' to him and came to hug him. Among of the first to hug him was Gabe, who Cas was pleasantly surprised to see there.

Soon, the party was in full swing and Cas was whisked away by various people to talk to. Among the guests were Meg and Alfie as well, who were from his classes, as well as what seemed to be the entire student body.

The night went on and drinks were flowing. Cas was talking to Dean and Sam about something inconsequential that their drunk minds gave way more importance to. Over all it was a fun evening, until Sam demanded to see Balthazar and talk to him and give him the If-You-Hurt0Cas speech. Poor Balth, he was going to get that speech from so many people.

Cas looked around to search for Balth but couldn't find him anywhere. He figured he was probably in his room so he went to Balth's room and opened the door without knocking, and immediately froze in his tracks. All the alcohol seemed to drain out of his body and he felt completely stone cold sober. There on the bed, was his boyfriend, clearly having sex with another girl from the party. Cas felt like throwing up. Suddenly he was jerked back and he saw Dean standing there with a thunderous expression on his face. He had obviously seen Balthazar with that girl too and was angry at him. The room felt too constricting all of a sudden so Cas went out to the garden to get some air.

A while later, he heard Dean call out to him.

"Hey, Cas. I'm sorry about Balthsa- Bathal- Balth'r- your boyfriend. He was a dick and if it helps, I never liked him anyway." There was more than a slight slur to his words and it was obvious that he was still very drunk.

Cas gave him a small smile and he continued to speak.

"I wish you could have seen how he wasn't really good for you. He clearly didn't love you. Not the same way I do. Heh. You know that I love you, right? And not just as a friend either. I love you way more than that. I love you in the way that I want to be your boyfriend. I want to cuddle you with each night and wake up cocooned in your arms. I want to be able to kiss you whenever I feel like it, instead of having to turn away. Now that I've said this, I'm wondering why I've waited so long. Looking back I realize it was always there, just never spoken. I can't go back to not loving you, Cas. I can't go back to being just friends with you. It hurts so much to see you with assholes like him who don't care about you, when I'm here, waiting for you to love me back. I-"

Cas didn't listen to the rest of what Dean said. This could not be happening to him. For years, he had been hopelessly in love with Dean, and he could let it be when he thought Dean wasn't into guys. But this was too much. Not only did his boyfriend cheat on him, his best friend also told him he was in love with him. Within a matter of a few minutes, Cas' day had turned over so much that it gave him a whiplash. This was not happening to him. No way.

Cas just walked away from there, hearing Dean call after him but ignoring his pleas to stop and come back. He couldn't talk to Dean right now. He didn't see where he was going, he just needed to get away, and he didn't care where he went.

Suddenly there was a loud screech and a crash and the world went dark.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Hmm, so apparently, I'm absolutely no good at posting stuff at a regular basis. But well, here I am with a gift. I just hope none of you want to bash in my head because I came back with absolute crap like this.

I can't promise that the next chapter will be on time, but I'll try.

Also, I got a beta and she's awesome!

Anyway, I'll leave you to it, please do tell me how you like it because I'm a sucker for anonymous online love.

Happy reading :)

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Dean had been very drunk by the time he had joined Cas outside. Obviously. That's why he ended up saying what he said to him. And damn, if he didn't regret it. How could he have been so insensitive? Cas was hurting, he had just caught his boyfriend in bed with someone else, on his birthday, at his party. And yet, Dean had to go ahead and spill what he had kept a secret for so long. God – fucking – dammit. Even through his drunken haze, as Dean confessed his feelings, he knew he was drunk and it wouldn't end well and he'll end up losing his best friend, but nothing sobered up Dean faster than the sound of screeching tires, crashing glass and the dull, distant thud of a body falling on the ground.

Dean rushed to the street and even though he had a pretty good idea who had been hit, the shock of seeing his best friend lying there in a pool of his own blood was enough to give anyone nightmares. From a distance, all he saw was a body lying on the ground, and the driver kneeling besides the body. Dean's heart missed a few beats at the thought of Cas being so hurt that he might have died. That too because of him. Shit.

As Dean got closer the details became more vivid. Cas was lying on the ground, or rather sprawled on the ground, and was surrounded by a pool of some liquid which Dean was sure was his blood. His hair was matted to his forehead and there were gashes all over his face.

Seeing Cas lying in such a pitiful way made Dean want to vomit. He had caused this. He was the reason that Cas was here on the brink of death, instead of enjoying his birthday like he deserved to. Sure, Dean wanted Cas' birthdays to be memorable, but this is not how he wanted to achieve it.

The next few hours were a blur of phone calls, ambulance rides and sterile hospital smells. Dean lost track of time sometime between reaching the hospital and tearing Balthazar a new one. Balthazar knew that Dean hated his guts, because obviously he did, but even if Dean hadn't hated the man, he would have torn him a new one for breaking Cas' heart like that.

Of course, he couldn't put all the blame on him either. It was Dean's stupid idea to drunkenly confess his feelings to Cas, immediately after he found his boyfriend in bed with someone else. GOD, how could he have been so stupid! If he absolutely had to confess his feelings, he could still have chosen a better time. ANY other time would have been better than this! Dammit, Dean.

After being friends with the guy since for fucking ever, Dean never could have thought that he would get a crush on his best friend. Or that he would ever realize that he had a crush on him. Nor did he ever think he would have a gay panic attack in his early twenties. But well, apparently life had other ideas for him and all of that did happen and when it did, he didn't have his best friend to fall back on. Because his best friend was in the hospital because of him, fighting for his life.

Cas was currently in surgery. He had sustained some serious head injuries and would take some time to recover, even if the surgery went smoothly.

Dean was sitting on the uncomfortable seats in the waiting room when he was attacked by a violent Gabriel.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO MY BROTHER, YOU SON OF A BITCH? WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE HAD TO SAY TO HIM THAT WOULD HAVE HELPED? WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST STAY AWAY FORM HIM AND LET HIM BE INSTEAD OF MAKING HIM MORE MISERABLE? TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID TO HIM. ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU WENT TO TALK TO HIM AND THEN HE RAN IN FRONT OF A CAR. I SWEAR TO GOD IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO MY BROTHER I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET YOUR VERY EXISTANCE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND IT?"

Dean let Gabe hash out until he calmed down a bit. He totally understood how Gabe was feeling, Dean would have been equally pissed if it had been Sammy, and it was probably worse for Gabe because Cas was his twin. After Gabe had calmed down a bit, he asked Dean what had happened.

Dean recollected the events of the evening, up until the point where he went to talk to Cas. He knew Gabe wanted to know what he had said, and that he wouldn't let him off by just telling him a vague version of the chat. But at the same time, he didn't want to admit to Gabe how stupid he had been. He knew he was to blame, but he couldn't let Gabe remind him again how much of a failure he had been. He didn't want anyone else to remind him that he wasn't a really good friend and that all he did was destroy the people he loved.

Hesitating a bit, he turned around and ploughed on, "I told him I love him, Gabe. I told Cas I am in love with him, right after he found out his boyfriend was cheating on him, on his birthday party." Dean rubbed a hand across his mouth. "God, I'm such a fuck up! Why couldn't I have kept quiet! There had to be a better time to tell him about it. Any other time, really. Why did I have to be so stupid?"

Dean had been expecting Gabe to be pissed, but what he hadn't been expecting was him to wrap his arms around Dean's middle in sort of a hug.

"I'm still pissed at you, and yes, you could have chosen a better time, but Cas has been in love with you since forever, since the dawn of time, even. But thankfully, you finally pulled your head out of your ass and fessed up, so I'm going to go easy on you. I'm going to wait for Cassie to wake up, before I decide what to do to you."

Before Dean could reply, the doctor came in and told them that Cas was out of surgery and was mostly out of danger, but they didn't know when he would wake up.

Minutes turned to hours and hours turned to days, as Dean waited for Cas to wake up. He never left Cas' side, getting up only to use the bathroom. He hardly ate or drank anything, patiently waiting for Cas to open his eyes. He missed the blue of Cas' eyes and longed to see Cas squint them again when he didn't understand something. He missed the gravelly tone of Cas' voice and couldn't wait to hear him say 'Hello, Dean' again. He missed his best friend and his heart hurt to think of the fact that he was the reason Cas was in this position. Damn him and damn his big mouth.

Finally, four days after the accident, Cas opened his eyes. He didn't stay awake for long, nor did he react much, but the doctors said it was a good sign and that he was getting better.

The next morning, when Cas woke up, doctors and nurses flooded his room and Dean was forced to wait outside. After a long wait, they finally left and a nurse came to tell him that Cas wanted to see him. Dean had no idea how Cas would react to all that had happened. Would he be angry at Dean's timings, or would he be glad that Dean finally confessed? Would he reciprocate Dean's feelings, or would he give him the let's-just-be-friends speech? God, Dean hoped it wasn't the latter, he didn't think he could stand by knowing that the love of his life, his best friend, didn't care for him the same way that he did.

Hesitantly, Dean entered his room to find Cas looking away from him, outside the window. Dean went and sat down in the chair besides his bed and waited for Cas to talk to him. After a while, when Cas still hadn't spoken, Dean figured that Cas hadn't noticed his presence and spoke up.

"I'm sorry, Cas." He started, not sure where he was headed with this. Dean knew what he wanted to say but he had never been any good at putting words to his feelings. Whenever he tried to say what he felt, he just ended up making the situation worse. "What I did wasn't fair to you, and it wasn't fair of me to spring it on you out of nowhere. I – I meant what I said, but my timings could have been better. I'm not apologizing for my feelings, I'm apologizing for the way, and the time at which I confessed them. I'm – I'm sorry, Cas."

Just as he was about to continue, and possibly make the situation worse, Cas turned to him with fire in his eyes.

"Don't you dare, Dean. You have no right to come up to me and say that you're in love with me. Did you know, that despite what Balthazar did to me, I was finally happy in a relationship? I was finally – after years – getting over my crush on you. Bal and I – we would have gotten over this. We would have moved forward, I would have gotten over you and we all would have been happy. But before I could think about what happened, you had to go ahead and say you're in love with me! I waited years, Dean. Years for you to say you love me that I wasn't alone in those feelings but you never did. Now when I was finally happy, why did you have to go ahead and ruin it? Why couldn't you have left it alone?"

Dean opened his mouth to reply but he was cut short by Cas again.

"No, Dean. I don't want to hear anything right now. Please just leave me alone. I need time to think. I need time to wrap my head around what happened, without you serving as a constant distraction. Please just leave."

Shit. Dean knew what he did was pathetic, but he never thought he'd end up losing Cas over it entirely. Yet, here he was, unable to do anything as Cas told him to get out of his life.

Dean felt cold all over. He couldn't believe this was happening. Tears formed in Dean's eyes as his mind comprehended exactly what was happening. He didn't need to look at Cas to know that he hated him, and Dean didn't blame him even a bit for that. God, he had messed up the most important friendship that he had, just because he couldn't keep his mouth shut, he deserved that pain that would come with their separation.

With one last look at Cas, Dean tried to memorize his face; the blue of his eyes, the cut of his jaw, the almost permanent furrow of his brow. Dean choked out a 'Goodbye, Cas. I love you' and turned to leave.

And if he sat in his car for the better part of an hour, choking back sobs and blasting his music, no one had to know.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: HEY GUYS! I'M SORRY FOR BEING AWOL FOR SO LONG, BUT I REALLY HADN'T BEEN DOING TOO WELL. HOWEVER I'M BACK NOW WITH A NEW CHAPTER, AND I HOPE THE NEXT CHAPTERS WON'T TAKE SO LONG TO UPDATE. WE'RE ALMOST AT THE END OF THE STORY, AND I HOPE YOU ALL STICK AROUND FOR THE REST OF IT AS WELL.**

 **AS USUAL, FEEL FREE TO POINT OUT ANY AND ALL MISTAKES.**

 **HAPPY READING, AND HAPPY EASTER TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE :D**

 **ENJOY :)**

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Ever since they were little kids, Dean and Cas had been inseparable. Normally people would expect Cas to be joined at the hip with his twin, but Cas always liked hanging out with Dean more. Not that Dean was complaining. He liked Gabe, they were friends too, but for Dean, Cas was irreplaceable. Cas with his blue eyes and messy hair and his head tilt and his habit of taking everything way too literally, Cas.

When Cas told Dean to leave him alone, it tore Dean up and left a Cas shaped hole within him. What was left behind was a shell of a human being, who had no idea how to function without his best friend. His house felt too quiet, too empty without Cas filling up the spaces.

Without Cas, there was no one to burn down the house, trying to make coffee for Dean. Without Cas, there was no one to call Dean out on his messiness. Without Cas, there is no one to make sure he wakes on time for his classes. Without Cas, there is no one to look after him. But most importantly, without Cas, there is no one to stop him from drinking.

So Dean drank. Days and nights blurred into one and he had no idea what day, or even month it was anymore. Sam tried to stop him from drinking so much, but Dean just snapped at him, making Sam pissed at him.

Dean had no idea where Cas was staying these days, but he figured he was staying with Sam and Gabe, which made him feel worse because those two were dragged into his drama.

These days the only thing Dean did was drink and pass out because of drinking too much. Some days, Charlie would come over and drink with him, and on the other days, she would shout at him for ruining his life like his dad had. It was a low blow and instead of making Dean want to clean up his act, it made him shout back at her, telling her to leave before he ruined their friendship too. But Charlie was stubborn, she stuck with him despite what he said and always answered his calls, even at 3 in the night, when all he did was cry over losing Cas. Losing Cas was like going through a break up even though they never were together to begin with. Dean spent the days crying over losing his best friend. The hollow pain in his chest never left and Dean had no idea what to do that would make it better.

Slowly, Dean stopped drinking as the months passed. He didn't completely stop, but he cut down a bit. He grew accustomed to the idea that Cas wasn't going to return and even though it hurt, there was nothing he could do to change what he did. He talked to Gabe on occasion but all Gabe told him was that Cas wasn't ready to talk to Dean yet. Gabe thought that Cas was being a drama queen, but at the end of the day they were twins, and no matter how much he supported Dean, he would always be on Cas' side, and if Cas didn't want to talk to Dean, he wouldn't let Dean talk to him, no matter how much he begged.

Dean got better at ignoring the pain as time passed but never forgets. Neither did he forgive himself for chasing Cas away. But that's something he'd have to live with, and hope that he will get over it. He missed Cas and he hoped that Cas could get over it too.

Dean's birthday came and went without any indication. He received a few messages wishing him a happy birthday and whatnot and he replied with a generic thank you. He talked to Sam and Gabe, and Charlie dragged him out for lunch, but other than that he didn't have the energy to do anything. He spent the day drinking his sorrows away and watching a Dr. Sexy marathon. The entire day passed with him sitting in front of the TV, watching, but not paying attention to Dr. Sexy.

Around 11 at night, his phone beeped with a message, and Dean couldn't imagine who it would be. Everyone he talked to had already wished him in the morning. Dean got up with a groan and went to pick up his phone from where it was buried under a pile of clothes. Unlocking the phone, he saw that the message was from Cas.

CAS: Happy birthday, Dean. :)

Dean had no idea how to reply. On one hand, he was elated that Cas wished him, but on the other hand, he also wanted to ignore it, because replying would just mean opening up a wound that hadn't completely healed. He wanted to talk to Cas, beg for forgiveness, and ask him to come back, he wanted to know why Cas left him like that, and what he had been doing all these months. He wanted to catch up with Cas. But he wasn't sure if he'd be able to survive it if Cas didn't come back to him. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if Cas decided that this was the end, and he couldn't be friends with Dean any more. He had already almost died a few times with his excessive drinking in the past few months, this time he was sure he won't survive.

By the time he made his decision about what to do, his phone had locked up again, so he swiped up and opened Cas' messages. There was one more unread message that had just arrived.

CAS: Happy birthday, Dean.

CAS: I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now, and I apologize. How are you doing?

Dean laughed at how far from the truth Cas was. He was the only person Dean wanted to talk to, and it was such a relief that Cas texted him.

DEAN: Thank you, Cas. And no, I'm glad you texted. I – I missed you. I was a mess without you. I fucked up, Cas. I'm sorry for that. There's nothing I could do that would make it better, but I hope you know that no matter what you do, you'll always be my best friend. I want you to come back, I miss you. I love you.

Before he could send it though, Dean erased the message and typed out a new one.

DEAN: Thank you, Cas. I'm glad you texted me. I should be the one asking you how you're doing. I'm sorry for what I did, and I hope that one day you can forgive me. I hope you're doing well.

It was an awkward message, but that's how Dean felt – awkward. Reading Cas' message made his heart ache in a new way – he knew he messed up and he had almost began to come to terms with the idea that he had lost Cas completely. But when Cas texted him, he felt something like hope bloom in his chest. If Cas was texting him, did that mean that eventually they'd be fine? He had no idea what to make of it, but not knowing how it would go made Dean uneasy with anticipation. He hoped he didn't mess it all up again. He was pulled out of his musings with his phone pinging.

CAS: I am doing better than I was a few months ago, and I am sorry too, for how I reacted. I miss you, Dean. I miss my best friend. I know it is too much to ask for, but I was hoping that we could meet sometime soon? I would really like to see you, and apologize in person.

Tears sprung to Dean's eyes as he read the message – happy tears. Cas wanted to meet him, which meant Cas wasn't going to completely cut him out of his life. Dean almost jumped in excitement and wiped his eyes as he replied.

DEAN: Yes, Cas. I'd like that. When are you free? Name the time and place, I'll be there.

They decided to have lunch at a restaurant a few blocks from Dean's house, in a few days' time. That night, Dean slept with a smile on his face, without a bottle of Whiskey, for the first time in a long time.

In the days leading up to their meet, Dean finally began to stop drinking completely, and apologized to Sam and Charlie for being a dick.

He cleaned up his house and began to get back some of his previous energy. He was nervous about meeting Cas, not knowing how he'd react to seeing him after such a long time, but at the same time he couldn't wait to meet him.

Charlie was apprehensive about their meeting, and rightfully so. She had been pretty much the only person standing at his side, as he destroyed his life after Cas left. She was the only one who had to pick up the pieces of a very broken Dean Winchester, and she didn't want Cas to have the power to do that to him again. Charlie had been friends with Cas too, but she was the only one who had seen first-hand how Dean had been after the incident and she was willing to do anything to avoid it from happening again.

Begrudgingly, she accepted Dean's decision to meet Cas, and even promised not to be too hard on Cas, if they ended up being friends again.

The night before they were supposed to meet, Dean didn't sleep too well, but this time, it was because he was too excited to meet Cas. He hoped that for the sake of him and all his friends, the meeting went well and that they could be friends again.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: *gasp* What is this that I'm seeing? I didn't take an embarrassingly long time to update? Wow, I'm proud of me.**

 **I guess it does help that I had this chapter written since Sunday.**

 **Do any of you have any idea how much willpower it took to not upload as soon as I finished writing that chapter? Hint: A FUCKING LOT.**

 **ALSO, I ALREADY WROTE MORE THAN HALF OF THE NEXT CHAPTER SO THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UP NEXT WEEKEND YAYYY ME!**

 **(Don't get used to this, we all know I suck at maintaining a schedule for long periods of time xD)**

 **I hope y'all enjoy this chapter and that it's not too disappointing. I'm not really happy with the way it turned out but I also couldn't find a way to make it any better. Enjoy reading over 1k words of Cas' apology (1039 words to be exact. but who's counting? Not me.)**

 **Also, please feel free to point out any and all mistakes, and constructive criticism is appreciated. Feel free to rant about the actions of any and all characters. It's fun to see what you guys think of my story.**

 **Wow, this note is getting longer than the actual story. *sigh***

 **Happy reading :)**

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The night passed too slowly for Dean's liking, but at the same time it flew by too fast. He was eager to meet Cas but at the same time, he was apprehensive. What if Cas just wanted to meet to tell him that they couldn't be friends anymore? Was it better to not know and still have some hope, or was it better to know for sure so that he knew where they stood with each other?

God, Dean wished he knew how it was going to go, so that he could stop being so anxious about meeting Cas. Huh. That's one thing Dean never thought he'd say. Who would have known he'd ever be anxious about meeting his best friend?

Dean was close to having a full blown panic attack, trying to anticipate what would happen and trying to get himself to calm down just seemed to aggravate it more. At a loss about what to do, he dialled Charlie, she would know what to do. As he waited for her to answer the call, his eyes fell on his wardrobe and he realized he had no idea what to wear. By then he was panicking completely and he had no idea what he said to Charlie, only that 10 minutes later, she was letting herself in with the spare key she had.

Charlie sat with him as he cried over what happened and panicked over what the future held in store for them. Charlie held him as he tried to calm down, telling him that it wasn't his fault and that it was okay to lose control once in a while and break down. She didn't make fun of him or belittle him for crying just because he was a guy.

"I swear to God, Dean. If it was up to me, I'd tear him a new one, tell him exactly how I feel about him abandoning you like that. What does he think, that is was easy for you to come clean about how you felt about him? Sure, being drunk lowers your inhibitions and whatnot, but after a lifetime of being straight, admitting to your best friend that you're gay is a huge fucking thing, yet, instead of supporting you, being by your side, he just ups and abandons you? Not cool. It would have been fine if he didn't want to get together with you or something, it would have hurt less than leaving you broken hearted and alone to deal with it. He was supposed to be your best friend, he was supposed to be there for you no matter what, and a small crush shouldn't have come between your friendship. What the fuck was he thinking? Sure, you had shitty timings, but that doesn't mean you weren't his best friend anymore. So what if you had shitty timings? He should have fucking been here with you, instead of fucking off to God knows where. Here – try this shirt on, and these jeans make your ass look good and don't even think of complaining about not having room for your balls. Your balls can breathe when you get back home, but first you need to blow away Cas' mind with how good you look. Even if this isn't a date, you are going to look good – I'll make sure of that. Cas should know what he has been missing out on, and what he abandoned. You're a goddamn catch, and that's high praise coming from a flaming lesbian, Cas should realize that. I might be pissed at Cas, Dean, but I've seen how happy he makes you, and I want you two to sort out your problems and get together and have lots of gay sex."

Dean had no idea how Charlie's mind worked. One minute she was ranting about what a shitty friend Cas had been, which he agreed upon but that wasn't the point, and the next minute, she was choosing what clothes he would be wearing when he went to meet Cas. That girl was crazy but she had good intentions and Dean loved the ever loving fuck out of her. He was glad he had her as a friend and really appreciated her being there for him through all the shit that went down with Cas. Not that he'd tell this to her, but that didn't mean the feeling wasn't there.

He took in hand the shirt Charlie had chosen. It was a red plaid button – up, which made his eyes pop up, he had been told – and a black t-shirt to wear under it. He took the clothes and changed into them, while Charlie rummaged through his stuff, looking for God knows what.

The shirt was a bit tight around the shoulders and the jeans was uncomfortable at the crotch, but Dean knew that complaining would get him nowhere – Charlie would personally ensure that he didn't change clothes before he went to meet Cas. Charlie heard him enter the room and turned to look at him. After giving him an appraising look, she smiled and wolf whistled at him, making him blush at the compliment.

"Damn, Dean. If I wasn't strictly into girls, I'd ride you like a cowboy."

Seemingly out of nowhere, she acquired a bottle of cologne and sprayed it at him before turning him around and pushing him out of the door, with a swat at his butt. Unable to resist a jab of his own, he said to her,

"Are you sure you're gay, Charlie? Because the way you've been behaving today is making me doubt your gayness."

"Well, shit, Dean. You weren't supposed to find out that my gayness was just a front to see you naked. Dammit now you ruined my plan. Now go. Go and win back your man. You deserve some happiness in life. And please make sure to make him beg to take you back. That's the least he can do." She replied with a cheeky wink.

Dean laughed and shook his head at Charlie's antics. He didn't know about making Cas beg though, it's not as if dean could refuse the guy anything.

Feeling a bit better, Dean slid into the driver's seat of the Impala and turned it on. Damn, it felt good to hear her rumble after so long. Ever since The Incident, he hadn't really been in the right headspace and never could bring himself to drive the car. Smiling to himself, he turned up the volume as _Kashmir_ began to play. All hail Led Zeppelin.

Dean reached the restaurant almost an hour early and sat in his car for a while, tapping along to his music, until it was an acceptable time to show up. He went in and took a seat, waiting anxiously for Cas to show up. The restaurant that Cas had chosen was a bit fancier than the ones Dean was used to visiting and that just seemed to add to his anxiety. Even though there was still time for Cas to show up, Dean began to fear that he wouldn't come. What if he changed his mind? Dean shook himself out of those thoughts as he saw Cas enter and look around for him. He stood up and waved to Cas, catching his attention. Cas smiled and came closer and Goddamn, if he didn't look like sex on legs. He was wearing a plain blue t-shirt which was tight on him at all the right places, and those jeans were absolutely sinful. They made his ass look amazing and it took Dean all his willpower to not kiss him senseless right there and beg him to come back.

Dean realized he was still staring and he laughed awkwardly.

"Looking good, Cas." He said.

"You too, Dean." Cas replied with a smile.

Unsure of what to do next, Dean pulled Cas in for a hug which was one of the most awkward thing either of them had ever experienced.

As they took their seats, the waitress came to take their orders. Dean ordered a beer, and a double bacon cheeseburger with a side of fries while Cas ordered a cheeseburger with a side of salad and coke. They sat in an awkward silence until they both began to break it at the same time.

"So, Cas –"

"Listen, Dean –"

"You first, Cas." Cas nodded.

"Okay, Dean. I wanted to apologize for how I reacted. I – I've had a crush on you since a long fucking time and I was happy believing that it wasn't ever going to be reciprocated. Sure, it hurt, but there was nothing I could do about it. Then I met Balthazar and I thought that I could finally get over you. Fucked up as that it, the idea of getting over you scared me a bit. For so many years, everything had been changing, the only constant in my life was my crush on you. Taking that away from me scared the living hell out of me. But at the same time I was glad, you know? Having an unrequited crush on my very straight best friend was torture and I was glad that I would finally get over it. I could see myself falling for Balthazar, I could see myself happy. But then my birthday happened. I literally walked in on my boyfriend cheating on me. I was so pissed, Dean. Not at him, but at myself. I hated myself so much for giving myself false hopes. At least with you, I knew that there was no future. But with Balthazar, I had hopes that it would lead somewhere, that it would be a long term thing. And I knew you hated him, but I was hoping that for me, you'd put aside your differences and at least pretend to like him. But obviously I was too blind to see that you were right to hate him. But even after all that, I couldn't bring myself to hate him. He was the one in a dead end relationship with someone who was in love with his best friend. I mean, could you really even blame him? I know I couldn't. That night when you came to me to tell me how you felt, I was at my last bit of patience. I couldn't believe it that I had been so stupid as to think that I actually had a future with Balthazar and then you came and told me that my unrequited crush hadn't been unrequited and I realized that I had made a fool of myself for nothing. I felt so foolish at that moment. I didn't know what to do but I knew that if I spent even a second more in your presence I would do something stupid like kiss you, consequences be damned. But I didn't want our first kiss to be like that. I wanted our first kiss to actually mean something, I wanted it to be more than just a drunken thing that happened right after I found my boyfriend cheating on me. So I ran. I ran because I didn't know what else to do. That probably wasn't a good move on my behalf because the last thing I remember thinking before the car hit me was that I never told you I loved you. I was so sure I was going to die, and I regretted never kissing you and telling you that you are loved. But at the same time I was so pissed. At myself, for all the false hopes I had; at you for confessing your feelings when I was feeling shitty. You couldn't have known how I was feeling right then, because I never said anything, but that didn't stop me from being pissed at you too. I – when you came to visit me at the hospital, I let my anger come in the way of our friendship. It hurt me so much to see you turn around and leave; it was only my anger that held me back from calling out to you. I knew I should have explained to you what I was feeling, instead of letting you think it was your fault, but how could I explain to you how I was feeling when I myself didn't know what I was feeling? All I knew was that I was upset and you somehow came into it, so I lashed out on you. The weeks after the accident I was recovering not just physically, but also mentally. There were times I wished I was dead, because I had been such a shitty friend to you, and because of all the emotions that I had been feeling but couldn't out a name on. Gabe – he found me one day, bleeding out in the bathroom, because it was getting too much. He had me admitted and forced me to get treatment. It helped a bit. I was starting to figure out what I had been feeling, and my therapist really helped me get through that shit storm. Gabe and Sam would tell me when you called, wanting to talk to me. I wanted to talk to you, to explain to you what happened and why I did what I did. But I didn't want to talk to you before I was sure about my feelings – about why I reacted that way. I know that is no excuse, I had no right to treat you that way, I should have been a better friend to you. I know how scary coming out of the closet is, but when you did that, I slapped it in your face and told you to leave me alone without explaining why. There is nothing I can do that would make it better and I would take it all back if I could. I wanted to talk to you earlier, but by the time I figured myself out, it had been too long for an apology, and I didn't know what to do. I spent the entirety of your birthday drunk, wishing I could celebrate it with you, but it was my own fault that I wasn't there with you, for you. I'm pretty sure I passed out a few times because of drinking too much, and by the time I came to, it was almost over. All I could do was text you and hope you could forgive me. I know just saying this means nothing, Dean, but I sincerely am sorry. I love you, and I hope that one day, you can give me another chance to be your friend."

By the time Cas was done speaking, their food was almost finished and Dean was in tears, thinking about what all his friend had gone through over the past two months. Damn, and here he thought he had it rough. Cas was openly crying too and it made Dean's heart clench to think that Cas thought that there was any way Dean wouldn't forgive him. No matter what Cas would have had said, Dean would have forgiven him. No questions asked, unconditionally.

Cas gave Dean one last glance and got up to leave but Dean held his wrist and stopped him. Dean got up and pretty much crowded Cas' personal space.

"Cas, wait. I –"

"OH GODDAMMIT DEAN WINCHESTER SHUT UP AND KISS HIM ALREADY! THIS WAS THE MOST HEART WRENCHING LOVE CONFESSION EVER!"

Dean turned around to see Charlie sitting right behind him wearing a hideous blonde wig, apparently stalking him. He'd talk to her about that later, first, he had to kiss Cas.

Dean turned around and kissed Cas full on the lips, audience be damned. He heard Charlie hooting and cheering for them but paid her no mind. His arms were full of Cas who was kissing him back and there was nothing else he's rather do at the time. Their kiss turned indecent for public settings very quickly.

"Take me home, Dean." Cas said in that gravelly voice of his, and damn if Dean was going to refuse that offer. Talking could wait, he was going to finally have sex with Cas.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: WHOOP ANOTHER CHAPTER WITH SEX! DISCLAIMER: EVEN THOUGH I READ A LOT OF GAY SEX, AND HAVE A LOT OF GAY SEX, I ABSOLUTELY SUCK AT WRITING ABOUT GAY SEX (ALTHOUGH THAT MIGHT BE BECAUSE MY SEX NEVER HAS ANY DICKS INVOLVED (EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE TIME BUT WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT) BUT WHATEVER) SO HERE YOU GO, OUR BOYS HAVING SEX. I'M NOT TOO HAPPY WITH THE CHAPTER BUT I'M NOT WRITING THIS SHIT AGAIN, DEAL WITH IT.**

 **HAPPY READING :)**

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No sooner had Dean shut the door of his car, Cas attached his lips to Dean's neck, kissing and sucking bruise after bruise on every inch of skin that he could find. Dean moaned and wrapped one arm around Cas. It was difficult to drive using only one hand but he had better stuff to do anyway.

One of Cas' hands was tangled in Dean's hair and the other began a slow journey down his chest. When Cas' hand reached Dean's nipple, he gave it a short tug, which caused Dean's breath to stutter and he moaned out loud and long. Dean felt Cas' lips stretch into a smile against his neck as he bit down and continued touching him. Dean was panting as Cas' hand moved closer to his dick – which was now hard and throbbing in his pants. Right when Dean thought Cas would finally touch him, Cas changed direction and instead ran his hand down the outside of his thigh, towards his knees. Dean let out a sound that he would deny till his dying breath was a whine. Slowly, Cas began to move his hand upwards, on the inside of Dean's thigh, with a touch to light that it made him squirm. When Cas cupped his erection and pressed downwards, it created a pressure so good that Dean could have come just from that. Breathing deeply through his nose, Dean concentrated instead on driving the car without crashing into a tree.

For a couple of moments, Cas removed his hand, and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. It's not what he didn't want Cas to touch him, because he did. But Dean didn't want to die because of his dick. None too soon, Cas' hand returned, this time deftly opening the button if Dean's jeans and undoing his fly. Cas pulled out his dick and Dean groaned as the pressure of the confines lifted from it. Before Dean could fully register what was happening, his dick was enveloped in a tight warm heat. FUCK. He gripped the steering wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white, as Cas bobbed his head along his dick, moaning as if it was the best thing he had ever tasted.

Cas slid his head down until Dean could feel the head of his dick touching the back of Cas' throat. And then Cas swallowed. HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK! Dean quickly pulled over and gripped Cas' hair tightly.

"Fuck, Cas! I'm gonna come! I – FUCK – CAS!"

Just like that, Dean was coming, shooting down Cas' throat. The sight of Cas swallowing him down, greedily drinking up every drop of his come, had Dean's dick shooting another spurt of come and twitching.

Cas looked up at him and grinned, before tucking him back in and zipping up his pants, as if he didn't just almost cause them to be in an accident. Damn, it would have been embarrassing to explain why he crashed into something. 'Oh yes sorry officer, actually I had my dick down the throat of the guy I've been in love with for years.' Yeah, no thanks.

The rest of the drive went agonizingly slow for Dean, even though his place wasn't that far. Cas was resting his head against Dean's shoulder, kissing and nibbling at any skin he could reach. He kept whispering in Dean's ear about how it had taken too long for this to happen and how he waited for so long and couldn't wait any more, all the while he was teasing his own erection through his pants, moaning breathily. Dean wanted nothing more than to reach over and help Cas, but he didn't want to crash into anything, and he sure as fuck didn't want his attention diverted from Cas.

Finally they reached his place. Dean parked his car more carelessly than he usually would because he just didn't have the patience to park properly – he could park her later. Cas crowded him from behind as he tried to get his door open, and wrapped his arms around Dean's middle, leaving open mouthed kisses along the back of Dean's neck. It took Dean an embarrassingly long time to get it open.

As soon as Dean closed the door behind them, Cas spun him around and pinned Dean to the wall, kissing him greedily. He held up Dean's arms and pinned his wrists against the wall above his head with one hand, as the other explored his body. Cas ground his hips against Dean and he could feel the hard line of Cas' erection against him, its heat could be felt through all the layers of clothes. Cas' grip on him tightened and there was nothing Dean could do, and GOD did it turn him on.

After a few minutes of making out and grinding against each other, Cas suddenly turned and started walking towards Dean's room. Dean stood there, breathing hard and marvelling at his body's ability to get hard again so soon. Well, he was still young. Cas turned around and saw that Dean wasn't behind him.

"Are you gonna come or do I have to take care of this myself?" Cas asked, pointing towards his erection and palming himself through his clothes. Dean pushed himself off the wall and sauntered towards Cas with a smirk on his face.

"You know, I quite like the idea of you taking care of it yourself." He said, palming at Cas' dick. "Seeing you get yourself off, not able to get me to touch you, when I'm just a few feet away." He could see the shiver that ran down Cas' spine at his words. He knew that Cas liked the idea too. "But right now, right now I'm not that patient. I've waited a long time for this, and there's no force on this planet that's going to keep me away from you." With that, Dean crossed Cas and pulled him into a deep kiss, walking them both backwards into his room. The few steps from the door to his bed took more than a few minutes because they both were too busy grabbing at whatever part of the other's body they could reach. Finally, Dean felt the back of his bed knock against the back of his legs. He sat down on the bed, pulling Cas on top of him.

Cas straddled his thighs and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck while Dean let his arms roam around Cas legs, thighs and ass. After kissing like that for a few minutes, Cas ground against him, making their erections to come into contact, reminding him of what they were going to do. Suddenly there was an urgent tension in the air. They both clawed at the other's clothes, practically ripping them off their bodies, until they were both there only in their boxers.

Dean looked at Cas standing there in his room, almost naked, his dick hard and wanting. This was a sight that Dean had wanted for so long, but now that he had Cas, he wasn't sure what to do. Cas seemed to sense his hesitation because he moved forward and pushed Dean softly onto the bed. He walked over to Dean and straddled his lap, leaning down to kiss him. This kiss was chaste compared to the ones they had shared earlier, but it was full of love and adoration. They sat there, kissing like that for a while, until Cas rolled his hips and their erections came into contact. Dean's eyes rolled into his head because of how good it felt. Suddenly, it was a race to the finish. Their boxers were pretty much torn off their bodies and landed somewhere on the floor – Dean was too busy to notice where they landed. Cas was still straddling him, grinding down like his life depended on it. Dean wrapped his hand around Cas' dick and gave it a few hesitant jerks. He looked down and got his first good look at it.

Dean never thought he'd say something like that, but Cas had the most gorgeous cock he had ever seen, and he couldn't wait to get it inside him. Cas was slightly thicker than him, and just a bit longer, uncut, as compared to Dean's cut. The head was swollen with blood and looked painfully hard.

"Fuck me." Dean whispered, still looking at Cas' dick in his hand. He looked up and met Cas' eyes. "I want you to fuck me, Cas. I want –" Cas cut him off with a desperate press of his lips.

Cas pushed Dean down and searched through the bedside drawers for lube and condoms. He took out the entire strip of condoms, instead of just one. Dean chuckled and made some comment about being ambitious but Cas cut him off by taking his dick into his mouth.

Dean was so distracted by the sensations that he missed the sound of the bottle opening, and the next thing he knew, there was a cold finger pressed against his hole, not quite pushing in. he moaned loudly and pushed his hips back, trying to get it in. when Cas pushed in his finger, it burned a bit. Dean stiffened and Cas must have felt it because he redoubled his efforts around Dean's cock, trying to distract him. Soon Dean had relaxed enough to start begging for more fingers.

Cas took his time preparing Dean, not wanting to hurt him on his first time. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally took out his fingers (he was up to four by now). Dean whined at the loss of sensation, but soon it was replaced by the head of Cas' dick. Cas came up and kissed Dean in such a filthy manner that if he could have come from just the kiss if possible. Cas looked into Dean's eyes as if searching for any sign of discomfort. Dean gazed back with as much honesty in his expression as he could manage. "Do it." He whispered and that was all the permission that Cas needed.

He held his cock and slowly guided it inside. It didn't hurt as much as Dean was expecting it to. It was uncomfortable, sure, but not painful. After giving himself a few moments to adjust to the intrusion, he nodded slightly. Cas would have missed it had he not been looking at Dean's face so carefully. Cas began to thrust slowly – and _holymotheroffuckingallthatisholy_! Dean could not stop the moan that fell out of his mouth. Cas' dick was just the right size to rub against his prostate on every thrust and the pleasure left Dean raking his fingers through Cas' skin, searching for purchase.

Cas lifted Dean's knee and hooked it over his shoulder as he began to gain speed. The new angle made Cas slip in even deeper and caused him to groan above Dean. It was almost too much. Dean had no idea why he hadn't tried this before but there was no going back. The gays knew what they were doing – that's for sure. Dean was already so close when Cas wrapped his hand around his dick, and it took him only a couple of jerks before he arched off the bed, coming harder than he had ever before. Cas came only a handful of moments later with a cry of 'Dean!' on his lips.

Cas rolled over and Dean winced at the empty feeling. Dean was still riding the high from his orgasm so he didn't notice as Cas cleaned them both and came back to bed. He did, however, notice as Cas came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. If someone had told Dean a year ago that he'd be the little spoon, he would have punched them in their face, but right now, Dean couldn't care less. He was lying in the arms of his (hopefully) boyfriend and there was nothing better than that.


	16. NOT A CHAPTER

Sooooooooo, I haven't been updating this in a long ass time, and for that I apologize. Depression is acting up and my life seems to be going to Hell. I don't plan to abandon the fic, I promise to fully see this through, but I can't promise when I'll be able to upload next. I'm sorry for keeping y'all dangling by a thread and whatnot and if I manage to come out of this stupid shit unharmed, I swear I'll finish this up. Until next time 3


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